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Klarinet Archive - Posting 000817.txt from 2002/06

From: "David C Kumpf" <>
Subj: RE: [kl] Upgrading
Date: Mon, 24 Jun 2002 15:21:11 -0400

Neil Leupold wrote:
> $75,000 on new clarinet equipment?
> --- "Pastor Luby D. Jackson III" <> wrote:
> > Please share with me on the diversity and practical use of
> the C clarinet.
> > I am about to invest up to $75Gs on new clarinet equipment
> and I just wanted
> > to know about this before I venture into this.

Of course, Neil. ;-)

"Announcing the All-New Super Festival RC Prestige Artist Signature
Model. Combining nanotechnology, our special Unobtanium(R) materials,
and Old World craftsmanship, this instrument provides a sweet, dark,
focused, bright, and centered tone unlike any other. (Or unlike itself
30 seconds ago, for that matter.) Computer-controlled bore allows
immediate and continuous variation of bore dimension, tone hole size and
placement, and undercutting. Heck, it'll even add or remove keys and
rings, if you ask it real nice.

What's more, every model is signed by your choice of famous-but-deceased
artist. Using our proprietary Timeline technology (well, we had to name
it something, so why not the title of a Michael Crichton book), we'll
send your instrument back to Anton Stadler, Heinrich Baermann, Benny
Goodman, or one of many other artists for play-testing, certification,
and signature.

Own a piece of history and the future today!"

I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist...

Dave Kumpf


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