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Klarinet Archive - Posting 000510.txt from 2000/04

Subj: [kl] Re: Music and Acamedic Achievement
Date: Wed, 12 Apr 2000 10:30:27 -0400

Don Longacre wrote:
>[....] was Spike Jones (not Lee)>

William Wright wrote,
>> <blush!> I'm in my late 50's. I should remember 'Jones' and be
unaware of 'Lee'. Somehow I got twisted around.>>

Oh, no, you got it right the first time. Hey, everybody else is writing a
treatment for Hollyweird. Why not you?

SCENE I: SECRET LABORATORY atop a gloomy black glass skyscraper in Manhattan.

CLOSE on the RESURRECTIONIST, wearing a long, black LAB COAT. His hair is a
mess. In a semi-stupor, eyes nearly closed, he slumps in a chair and listens
to classical MUSIC strangely reminiscent of the Dies Irae, heavily loaded
with pipe organ, contrabass clarinet and tuba. His fingers twitch in time
to the music. He drools slightly.

LONG: The music ROUSES him. He hurries to his LAB TABLES loaded with a
jumble of beakers, surgical tools and other EQUIPMENT. He VACUUMS a few skin
cells from authentic CLOTHING "liberated" from the dressing rooms of Spike
Jones and Spike Lee by their devoted fans, who saved their idols' unwashed
laundry in sealed, acid-free display BAGS, neatly labelled.

MONTAGE: the RESURRECTIONIST does a little recombinant DNA riff on the skin
cells, clones them, nourishes them into accelerated growth in a VAT of, I
dunno, something green that glows in the dark, and INJECTS them into a
collection of *donated* BODY PARTS lovingly stitched together without regard
to race, creed or national origin.

FADE to black.

CRAWL: "Months later, the work is finished."

As the THUNDER rolls and the LIGHTNING flashes, the MAD SCIENTIST tells IGOR
to pull the POWER SWITCH and....

"It's ALIVE!!!! In New York! It's Saturday Night! Spike Joneslee
performing his Frankenmusik: 'Doooooo the riiiiigght thing-a-ling-a-ling --
the winga zinga beeda boppa BA-da-da-bing!'"

He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.

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