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Klarinet Archive - Posting 000343.txt from 1999/06

Subj: [kl] Shadow Cat
Date: Wed, 9 Jun 1999 21:56:45 -0400

Chester & Midnight (via their servant, Jim Lande) wrote,
>>...[I]t is well known that Lassie dogs have been bred to have longer and
longer noses. Unfortunately, this doesn't leave much room for the sloppy gray
stuff, so those dogs get stupider and stupider. Is the same thing is
happening with classical clarinet players? In the perpetual quest for darker
and darker tone, perhaps we are breeding classical musicians with longer
noses, and like Lassie dogs, less brains.

>>We ask the pussycats on the list to study their humans and prepare a
proboscis profile. Do the leading classical clarinet players have big noses?
This is important. If they get too stupid, they won't be able to open cans
or scoop the boxes.>>

My pet human's nose is 1-1/2 inches long, but she's no leading classical
clarinet player. In fact, I don't think she was specially bred to play the
clarinet at all. I don't know how her nose compares with the noses of better
clarinet players. There has to be an important reason for humans' big noses,
because as scent organs, they're inferior, as you've probably noticed. So I
wonder if maybe those big schnozzolas work sort of like flying buttresses.
If the humans' noses were shorter, maybe their wet, goopy brains would leak
out. Cats' brains don't leak, so we can have nice, neat, efficient little

Just a thought.

Shadow Cat

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