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Klarinet Archive - Posting 001743.txt from 1998/04

From: Kenneth Wolman <>
Subj: Re: [kl] Re:Instrument Jokes
Date: Thu, 30 Apr 1998 10:00:52 -0400

Truly nasty and not related to any woodwind:

What is the difference between a soprano and a Porsche?
Fewer tenors have been in a Porsche.

If you threw a violist and a soprano off a cliff, which one would hit the
ground first? (two answers)
1.The violist. The soprano would have to stop halfway down to ask directions.
2.Who cares?

What's the difference between a soprano and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What's the difference between a soprano and a pirhana?
The lipstick.

What's the difference between a soprano and a pit bull?
The jewelry.

And now: a conductor story:

A musician dies and goes to Heaven. After his entrance interview, St.
Peter asks him what he did for a living back on earth. "I was Principal
Clarinetist with the Chicago Symphony." [NB: This is a joke, this is not
supposed to be Larry Combs!!!]

"Cool," says St. Peter. "You can be in the Celestial Orchestra. We
rehearse every Tuesday night, and tomorrow's Tuesday, so come on over and
bring your horn."

Next night the clarinetist shows up and sits next to the Associate
Principal. God enters carrying His baton and thumbs through a score. The
new clarinetist whispers to the Associate, "So what's He like as a conductor?"

"He's not bad," says the Associate, "except every so often He thinks he's
Herbert Von Karajan."


Kenneth Wolman Information Technology Morgan Stanley Inc.
750 Seventh Avenue New York, NY 212-762-1685
My unpaid life:
"I only wish I could write with both hands, so as not to forget
one thing while I am saying another." -- St. Teresa of Avila

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