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Klarinet Archive - Posting 001733.txt from 1998/04

From: Dodgshun family <dodgshun@-----.nz>
Subj: [kl] Instrument jokes
Date: Thu, 30 Apr 1998 07:38:54 -0400

What does it mean when a guitarist is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?
The stage is level.

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
1...5...1... (1...4...5...5...1)

A double bass player arrived a few minutes late for the first rehearsal of
the local choral society's annual performance of Handel's Messiah.
He picked up his instrument and bow, and turned his attention to the
conductor. The conductor asked, "Would you like a moment to tune?"
The bass player replied with some surprise, "Why? Isn't it the same
as last year?"

At a rehearsal, the conductor stops and shouts to the bass section:
"You are out of tune. Check it, please!"
The first bassist pulls all his strings, says, "Our tuning is correct:
all the strings are equally tight"
The first violinist turns around and shouts, "You bloody idiot! It's
not the tension. The pegs have to be parallel!"

How many alto sax players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to change the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn
would have done it.

In an emergency a jazz trumpeter was hired to do some solos with a symphony
orchestra. Everything went fine through the first movement, when she had some
really hair-raising solos, but in the second movement she started going
improvising may when she wasn't supposed to play at all.
After the concert the conductor came round looking for an explanation. She
said, "I looked in the score and it said `tacit'--so I took it!"

Why do they have bassists in bands?
To translate for the drummer.

I have 32 pages of these - if anyone wants them, e-mail me and I'll send
them to you seperately rather than as an attachement to this.

Anna

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