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Klarinet Archive - Posting 000000.txt from 1994/01

From: "Dan Leeson: LEESON@-----.EDU>
Subj: Welcome back!
Date: Mon, 3 Jan 1994 10:21:14 -0500

For all the terrifically inquiring minds of the various
clarinet students around the US (and maybe the world) who
have been away on vacation for the last 2-3 weeks, I welcome
you back. Life has not been the same without you.

The grumpy ones who remained on the list while you were
away snarled at each other, stole reeds, hefted secrets,
and even made an unauthorized mordent or two. That shows
you how important you are to keeping our spirits up and
our youthful attention at its peak.

Now get back to work and don't put forward any ideas that
deviate from ours which, by virtue of their longevity, must
be the only truth in the universe.

Truths to which you will conform:

1. Only Buffet clarinets may ever be used for
anything and this includes parade jobs
in inclement weather.

2. Only the Breitkopf & Hartel edition of K. 622
may ever be considered when rehearsing,
performing, or even thinking about the
Mozart concerto.

3. Only my repairperson should ever work on
your instruments.

4. Only your repairperson should ever work on
anyone's instruments.

5. The proper way to practice the clarinet solo
from Le Coq d'Or is while falling down
a flight of stairs.

6. It is not possible to do the Ginastera variations
while sober.

7. On the inside of all cases must be a picture of
the player and his/her dog.

8. Any case that does not have a scruffy look may
not be used. This is particularly
important for double cases but may be
ignored for triple cases.

9. Anyone who plays the Tyll Eulenspiegel E-flat
part well cannot have been a bad person
in an earlier life.

10. Sex during a two week period preceding a performance
of Daphnis & Chloe is contraindicated.

11. Ideas which deviate from mine, to the extent of the
deviation, are not tolerated. People who hold
such deviant ideas will be eliminated, their
instruments appropriated, and their reeds

Is all of this clear? You are being watched so don't try to get
Dan Leeson, Los Altos, California

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