Klarinet Archive - Posting 000084.txt from 2010/03

From: "Lelia Loban" <lelialoban@-----.net>
Subj: [kl] Recall of 20,000 Yamaha pianos [kl]
Date: Fri, 26 Mar 2010 09:39:05 -0400


Dan Leeson wrote,
>>You should all warn any musician friends of this serious situation....
>>
>>Yamaha has recalled 20,000 pianos due to a problem with the pedal
>>sticking.
This causes pianists to play faster than they normally would.
>>

Apparently my old CLP-811 predates this enhancement, oops, I mean problem.
If my pedal stuck, maybe I could play Scarlatti's k. 39 / L. 209 as fast as
Horowitz did....

Lelia
Lelia Loban
http://members.sibeliusmusic.com/Lelia_Loban

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Date: Fri, 26 Mar 2010 10:22:13 -0700
To: "Klarinet" <klarinet@-----.org>
From: "Jane Feline" <lelialoban@-----.net>
Subject: Recall of 20,000 Yamaha pianos
Message-ID: <sweetiepie2wildcat666>

I want to know where we can get one of those sticky pedals! How can I
practice my Tail-Chase Dance to Scarlatti's L. 391 at Lelia the Human's
stodgy old tempos? Presto should be about quarter note = 260 if you want my
opinion. And Largo should be completely illegal.

More to the point as concerns this forum, does anybody make accelerator
mousepieces for clarinets? I'd like for Lelia to speed up those boring old
Brahms clarinet sonatas and raise the pitch about two octaves, so I could
practice my lightning-blitz monster-killing moves in time to the music. I
wouldn't be surprised if a very high-pitched clarinet, played extremely
fast, could make monsters forget to hide. They might come out to dance in
the open, from under the bed or from under the rugs or from out of the
closets or behind the books and the curtains or, you know, wherever monsters
supposedly hide.

Professor Shadow Cat insisted this house is all full of monsters, but I
haven't seen any monsters around here yet and I'm extremely disappointed.
The Feline Afterlife Academy made me enroll in Professor Shadow Cat's
sleep-learning class while I was temporarily in that jailhouse, when they
found out I was going to go live in the same house where Professor Shadow
Cat spent 21 years in the breathing life. That's ridiculous. I already
passed my kitten classes with honors months ago. I'm nearly a year old and
I don't need any more classes and I don't need her talking down to me as if
I were a little baby kitten when I'm nearly a year old.

I know, I know, Professor Shadow Cat's been back to teach at the Afterlife
Academy off and on for something like 2,000 years or whatever and they think
she knows it all, but I must say I'm starting to think she's full of archaic
ideas, woefully behind the times. Either that or she kept herself totally
stoned out on catnip. Because I've lived here for three weeks now and I
haven't seen a single monster and I said so right to her ghostly whiskers.

I don't care if she called me a whippernapper and expelled me from her class
for that, and for insisting that clarinets are tools, imperfect translation
devices manufactured by humans, not "screech-stick" monsters or vacuum
cleaner larvae. I supported myself by living rough at a construction site
when I was younger and I know a larva when I eat one, thank you very much,
and clarinets are not larvae of anything. They're made out of dead trees
and plastic and metal. And the vacuum cleaner makes a nasty noise but it
isn't alive. What superstitious nonsense.

But you never know if real monsters might come here someday. I'm keeping an
open mind. My human staff gave me some excellent practice monsters and if
any real, live monsters do come, I'll be ready. And if anybody's got an
accelerator mousepiece, Lelia the Human needs one.

Rrrrtt!
Jane Feline