Klarinet Archive - Posting 000120.txt from 2009/08

From: "Dan Leeson" <dnleeson@-----.net>
Subj: [kl] A bit of Mozart humor
Date: Sat, 15 Aug 2009 14:36:26 -0400

The Mozart Effect: Makes a child smarter and more mathematical along with a
higher IQ

The Haydn Effect: Child is witty and quick on his feet, quite often bringing
a grin to the faces of those around him. Despite this he exhibits remarkable
humility.

The Bach Effect: Child memorizes Scripture and says his prayers every day;
may overwhelm listeners with his speech.

The Handel Effect: Much like the Bach Effect; in addition, the child may
exhibit dramatic behavior.

The Beethoven Effect: Child develops a superiority complex and is prone to
violent tantrums; is a perfectionist.

The Liszt Effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really
says anything important

The Bruckner Effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself
frequently. Gains a reputation for profundity.

The Grieg Effect: This child is quirky yet cheery. May be prone toward
Norwegian folklore.

The Wagner Effect: Child becomes a megalomaniac. May eventually marry his
sister.

The Schoenberg Effect: Child never repeats a word until he has used all the
other words in his vocabulary. Sometimes talk backwards. Eventually people
stop listening to him. Child blames them for their inability to understand
him.

The Ives Effect: Child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several
separate conversations at once.

The Stravinsky Effect: Child is prone to savage, guttural and profane
outbursts that lead to fighting and pandemonium in preschool.

The Cage Effect: Childs says exactly nothing for 4 minutes and 33 seconds.
Preferred by 9 out of 10 classroom teachers.

Dan Leeson
dnleeson@-----.net

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