Klarinet Archive - Posting 000053.txt from 2007/04
From: "David Blumberg" <blummy@-----.net>
Subj: [kl] Re: Bad joke time
Date: Sat, 07 Apr 2007 07:51:37 -0400
Ok, I'll add my 2 cents worth. I posted this originally back in 1999, but
here goes again.......... This is classic stuff and the best part is that it
was actually said by him. My chamber music coaches in College (Panitz,
Garfield, Gigliotti, Jones) would bust on him occasionally with the same
sayings. "When I die, IF I die" was one of my favorites. I played the Teton
Seminar Festival with Kragmalnik (spelling is wrong, but he was the former
Concertmaster of Phila.) and he told me that he was in rehearsal playing the
Beethoven Violin Concerto and he had a problem with something so he stopped
playing. Ormandy kept conducting and an entire page later suddenly Ormandy
stopped and said "what, what" like he all of a sudden realized that the
soloist wasn't playing anymore - after a page ......
If I recall, it was Murray Panitz who collected the sayings of Ormandy.
David Blumberg
http://www.mytempo.com
THE WIT OF MAESTRO EUGENE ORMANDY
Eugene Ormandy, during his many years as Music Director and Principal
Conductor of the Philadelphia Orchestra, was known to blurt out a
humorous (or dumb) remark every now and then. The following is a collection
of these witticisms collected by members of the Philadelphia Orchestra.
Congratulations to each and every one of you for the concert last night in
New York and vice versa.
Who is sitting in that empty chair?
I'm conducting slowly because I don't know the tempo.
I conduct faster so you can see my beat.
I cannot give it to you, so try to watch me.
I was trying to help you, so I was beating wrong.
I am thinking it right but beating it wrong.
I can conduct better than I count.
I guess you thought I was conducting, but I wasn't.
I purposely didn't do anything, and you were all behind.
Even when you are not playing you are holding me back.
Don't ever follow me, because I am difficult.
It is not as difficult as I thought it was, but it is harder than it is.
The notes are right, but if I listened they would be wrong.
I wrote it the right way, so it was copied the wrong way right. I mean the
right way wrong.
At every concert I've sensed a certain insecurity about the tempo. It's
clearly marked 80 . . . uh, 69.
Watch me closely. Only one can spoil it.
Someone came in too sooner.
Start beforty-two.
Start three bars before something.
Start at B. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.
Did you play? It sounded very good.
Intonation is important, especially when it's cold.
Beauty is less important than quality.
If you don't have it in your part, leave it out, because there's enough
missing already.
Percussion a little louder. ("We don't have anything.") That's right. Play
it louder.
More basses, because you are so far away.
I need one more bass less.
There are no woodwinds at number 6. ("We're at number 15.") I know. That is
why.
(To a tubist:) Long note? Yes. Make it seem short.
Brass, stay down all summer.
Don't play louder, just give more.
Accelerando means in tempo. Don't rush.
I don't want to repeat this a hundred times. When you see crescendo, it
means p.
The tempo remains pp.
It's difficult to remember when you haven't played it before.
We can't hear the balance because the soloist is still on the airplane.
Please follow me because I have to follow him, and he isn't here.
Without him here, it is impossible to know how fast he will play it,
approximately.
With us tonight is William Warfield, who is with us tonight.
He is a wonderful man, and so is his wife.
Bizet was a very young man when he wrote this symphony, so play it soft.
Mahler wrote it as the third movement of his Fourth Symphony. I mean the
fourth movement of his First Symphony. We play it third. The trumpet solo
will be played by our solo trumpet player. It's named Blumine, which has
something to do with flowers.
(On the death of David Oistrakh:) I told him he'd have a heart attack a
year ago, but unfortunately he lived a year longer.
Serkin was so sick he almost died for three days.
>
(On William Kapell's death:) Death is a terrible thing. I don't believe in
it myself.
This is a very democratic organization, so let's take a vote. All those who
disagree with me, raise their hands.
It's all very well to have principles, but when it comes to money, you have
to be flexible.
Thank you for your cooperation, and vice versa.
I mean what I meant.
I never say what I mean, but I always manage to say something similar.
I don't mean to make you nervous, but unfortunately I have to.
Relax, don't be nervous. My God, it's the Philadelphia Orchestra.
David Blumberg
http://www.mytempo.com
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