Klarinet Archive - Posting 000149.txt from 2006/09

From: "Bryan Crumpler" <crumpletox@-----.com>
Subj: [kl] RE: confidence?
Date: Wed, 13 Sep 2006 19:17:57 -0400

"Curtis Bennett" <curtis.bennett@-----.com> wrote:

>I was listening to some streaming radio station just now, and the idea
>of playing difficult music got me to thinking.
>
>Do professional musicians have to learn to develop confidence or is it
>something that comes naturally to them?

I used to think confidence was a product of the feedback received from those
listening around you. That could work both ways, meaning you have confidence
because you're constantly told "you can do it!", or you have confidence
because you're constantly "trying" to "do it" and failing. The latter,
however, goes hand in hand with "determination" to succeed, which I tend to
think is more natural gift than something that is "developed" by way of some
external influence. Either way, this type of feedback related confidence its
literally fed by a need to please "everybody else"... Nevertheless, I think
it is something you have to learn to stop doing to have true confidence -
see below.

>The notion of being a professional clarinetist must be something else
>entirely. The idea that you would be expected to perform, flawlessly,
>extremely difficult music all the time must be extremely difficult.
>
>For those of you who are professionals, how do you cope with this? Or
>is it something you really even think about?

Some people play like sh!t and audiences still rant and rave about how good
it is. And sometimes people play fantastically, while others do everything
they can to point out the tiniest of flaws. Sometimes, the performance is so
bad, that there might be one thing that they do well in one measure that
just makes you go "Hmmm... that was nice".

It's an interesting phenomenon. I call it the white wall phenomenon where
the cleaner the wall, the more apt you are to zoom in on one tiny little
dirt spot. On the other hand, however, if you're standing in the middle of a
landfill, it would be easy to spot a patch of clean green somewhere too.
And in my experience, I find that some of the most educated and trained
musicians often get to a point where they are never satisfied with anything,
no matter how good it is. And when it's a sea of chaos, you either hate the
performance, or you sugar coat the feedback so that the performer can save
face.

So as a professional performer, you can't get wrapped up in expectation,
perfection, and all that nonsense as a means of gaining confidence. If
you're a professional who IS performing, chances are you're good enough to
make SOMEBODY enjoy what you're doing. And if you are enjoying what you're
doing yourself, all the better. That's where the real confidence comes in...
going on the stage to do your best while being realistic to the fact people
may or may not like it. If you go in worried about pleasing everyone 100% of
the time, you'll sadly be disappointed playing music for the rest of your
life... because that will never happen. Tastes differ. That's a fact. So you
might as well have fun while you're at it. The sooner you believe that, the
sooner you will have that confidence you need to get on that stage and do
your thing (Don't confuse this with nervousness... being nervous only means
your heart is in it, not that you are not confident).

Just look at American Idol auditionees... most all of them are determined
and have confidence. And CLEARLY not all of them are really good. So it is
my belief that confidence is not a "natural gift" that will automatically
make anyone a good performer... and it's definitely not a product of bad or
good feedback. Confidence is a product of changing the way you think about
yourself for the positive as it relates to whatever it is you are doing.
Once you do that, it can help you to at least take a risk, which in turn
translates to having confidence... the confidence to do something without
fear of failure, even if it means failing.

My brother, a financial analyst, once told me that if you're not out there
failing, you probably haven't taken enough risks... but you often have to
take risks to be successful. The only people I know who have become great,
succesful, or wealthy have had people take risks on their behalf or at some
point have taken relatively large risks themselves, even if it is the risk
of persisting and continuing while continually failing. My best example of
this is my buddy Ron Clark (www.ronclark.info), whose life story as a young
teacher (he's only about 35 now by the way) was recently released as a movie
on Lifetime. The risks he took in the schools of Harlem are the epitome of
changing thinking about yourself, risk taking, persisting, and developing
confidence even in the midst of failure. If you missed it when it aired, I
hope there is a rerun coming sometime soon.

Bryan
www.whosthatguy.com

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