Klarinet Archive - Posting 000114.txt from 2005/06

From: "Lelia Loban" <lelialoban@-----.net>
Subj: [kl] A second crack?
Date: Sun, 05 Jun 2005 07:47:12 -0400


Joseph Limacher wrote,
>My Bb clarinet is cracked, for the second time in its six-month life.
[snip]
> Does this portend a troublesome future?

It's certainly a troublesome past, and past tends to be prologue. A
clarinet that cracks twice in its first six months may have been made from
wood with a basic defect, or wood that wasn't aged properly. Maybe it's
done all the cracking it's going to do, but if I'd bought a new clarinet
that behaved this way, I'd consider returning it while the warranty's still
good, on the theory that if I kept it, it'd probably wait to split every
whichway until the day after the warranty expired.

Lelia Loban
If at first you don't succeed, use more duct tape.

------------------------------

Date: Sat, 4 Jun 2005 13:13:13 -0666
To: <klarinet@-----.org>
From: "Shadow Cat" <cats-rule-world@-----.com>
Subject: A second crack?
Message-ID: <0000013@downwithmice>

I'm making my stupid pet human type this. She thinks she fell asleep at
the computer while I control her squishy wet brain (and a filthy job it is,
too, but somebody's got to do it). Your screech-stick cracked because
every cat in your neighborhood put a curse on it, and rightly so. Lelia's
screech-sticks are all old and evil, old enough to metamorphose into v*c**m
cl**n*rs any day now. They were already armed against curses by their
wicked former owners, who were no doubt in league with the g*rb*ge tr*cks
and all manner of other devils, but the nice cats want to do you a favor
and get rid of your screech-stick while it's still young and vulnerable.
Of course, we recognize that you ape-related primates are sentimental, so
you might want to put your v*c**m cl**ner larva out of its misery quickly.
If so, just take it outside and bash it on the sidewalk a few times.
That'll fix it.

Ssssst!
Shadow Cat

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