Klarinet Archive - Posting 000183.txt from 2004/12

From: "Lelia Loban" <lelialoban@-----.net>
Subj: [kl] Is anyone there?
Date: Sun, 12 Dec 2004 11:29:17 -0500


Matthew Lloyd wrote,
>>It has seemed very quiet recently. Was it
>>something I said??

Nope. Nobody's here. They're all practicin. Well, Lelia's sittin in
fronta the computer, an I'm tappin into her brain an makin her type this
fer me, but she's gonna go practice, too. I hope. Cuz I wanna hear some
squeeeeeeaks. I ain't heard enough squeaks lately, ya know.

She been playin them big fat ol low pitch honkers. Their idea of a squeak
is more like a foghorn. Shadow Cat (who can't catch me, nyah nyah nyah),
she likes that low-pitch crap, yeah, she *would* like it, typical freakin
house cat (house cat, house cat, lazy useless sack o fat, ugly hissy
wussycat, nyah nyah nyah!) but I say that contra-alto thingie's a foghorn
an I say phooey.

Ain't enough rats roun here no more, neither. Lonely. Neighbor killed
most of em with neck snapper traps. Ain't got hardly nobody to beat up no
more. Most of my girlfriends or sisters or moms or aunties or whatever,
them's gone, too. I'm gonna go in his house an eat all his Cheetos, see if
I don't. (Cept not the Cheetos in the neck traps. I ain't stupid, ya
know. Them Cheetos in the traps can just stay there til they get mouldy an
rot an stink up his kitchen.) Find me some cute little girlie rats and make
me a big new mob. Yeah, makin ratlets is fun, anyhow, so I gotta prance
aroun in the open an scare the ol gray wussycat so she'll get Lelia to
catch me in that Hav-A-Heart trap an deport me down to the storm culvert an
I betcha I find me some girlfriends down there. An we'll come back up the
hill an gnaw on that neighbor's guitar, that's what we'll do.

But I don't gnaw on no clarinets. When youse guys is playin at the Winter
Solstice an the Hannukah an the Christmas an New Year's an Innockeration an
all, don't fergit playin some nice loud squeals fer yer friends the rats,
cuz we're yer biggest fans!

Squeeeeeeek!
Dick Vigorous,
Boss Rodent
Toughest rat in this here neighborhood
an ya little pipsqueak rats better never fergit it or else I'll roll ya
over-n-over an bite ya real hard.

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