Klarinet Archive - Posting 000323.txt from 2004/09

From: "Ted Casher" <tedcasher@-----.net>
Subj: [kl] Fw: Installing Wife 1.0
Date: Sun, 19 Sep 2004 12:03:03 -0400

Ted Casher here. This is too funny! Takes my mind off all the reeds going
bad this autumn, along with the change in the weather!
----- Original Message -----
From: "Corey Beltram" <SelmerSaxII@-----.com>
To: "'Ted Casher'" <tedcasher@-----.net>
Sent: Friday, September 17, 2004 7:59 PM
Subject: FW: Installing Wife 1.0

> -----Original Message-----
> From: Caroline Dawson [mailto:mist686@-----.com]
> Sent: Thursday, September 16, 2004 6:15 PM
> To: acastore@-----.com;
> Ivy111280@-----.com;
> tazgurl82@-----.com;
> crash926@-----.com;
> crsparkledancer@-----.net;
> starr583@-----.com
> Subject: FW: Installing Wife 1.0
>
>
>
>
>
> >
> >Dear Tech Support:
> >
> >Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed
> >that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a
> >lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed
> >itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system
> >activity.
> >
> >Applications such as PokerNight 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing
> >7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever
> >selected.
> >
> >I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run
> >my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend
> >7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.
> >
> > Please help!
> >
> >Thanks,
> >A Troubled User
> >
> > (SEE REPLY BELOW)
> >
> >REPLY:
> >
> >Dear Troubled User:
> >
> >This is a very common problem about which men are complaining.
> >
> >Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it
> is
> >just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING
> >SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also
> >impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is
> >impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system
> once
> >installed.
> >
> >You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to
> not
> >allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under
> >Warnings-Alimony/Child-Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and
> >work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background
> >application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
> >
> >The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE because
> >ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the
> system
> >will return to normal anyway.
> >
> >Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
> >Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep
> >3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
> >
> >However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will
> >cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag Nag 9.5. Once this
> >happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to
> >purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0
> !
> >
> >WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstance, install Secretary With Short
> >Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause
> >irreversible damage to the operating system.
> >
> >Best of luck,
> >Tech Support
>
> Is your PC infected? Get a FREE online computer virus scan from McAfeeR
> Security. http://clinic.mcafee.com/clinic/ibuy/campaign.asp?cid=3963
>

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