Klarinet Archive - Posting 000475.txt from 2004/04

From: "Lelia Loban" <lelialoban@-----.net>
Subj: [kl] Confidential (to Shadow Cat)
Date: Thu, 29 Apr 2004 18:29:37 -0400

Dick Vigorous here. I'm just gonna borrow Lelia's computer fer a sec --

Ormondtoby Montoya wrote,
>Lelia Loban does some writing (as in fiction and
>film reviews and commentary on Wiccan matters).
>Over the years, she has invented two animal
>characters --- Shadow Cat and Dick Vigorous.

Speak fer yerself, pal. Nobody invented me. Shadow Cat invented herself
-- legend in her own mind, acts like she's the big toot, hoo hah. Hey
Ormondtoby, whatever happened to Manny the Major Mynah, anyhow? I liked
him. He had attitude. He didn't take no crap from no cat.

>Shadow Cat has mental powers which allow her to
>take over the mind of 'her human' and thereby to post
>her own feline thoughts.

Oh, beetles, Shadow Cat ain't got no special powers. She just got herself
a good hacker program, is all. Ain't that good, come to think of it, cuz
I'm piggybackin on it right now an Shadow don't even know it, the big fat
lazy hairbag. Hey, Shadow, I ate one of yer furballs yesterday. Tasted
just like chicken! Nyaaaaaaaaah!

>Dick Vigorous is a rat who is basically mean-spirited
>and chews clarinets for breakfast. Both of them are
>contemptuous of humans.

Hey, whoa, whaddya whaddya?! You talkin to me? Are you talkin to ME?
Yeah, yeah, so I'm a rat, that's right, a dirty rat, so what's it to ya
anyhow? -- but I ain't contemptuous of no humans. I love humans! I love
them goodies in yer kitchens. I love the clarinet! I'm yer greatest fan!
I'd never do nuthin to hurt no clarinet. Oh, man, nuthin' I like bettern
to lay around inna attic an listen to them squeeeeeeaks. Oh yeah, my kinda
music. Fergit Mozart, whadda bore. I want more of them squeaks. Squeak
the night awaaaaaay, woohoooo. It's true about that vacuum cleaner,
though. I hate that thing. Sucks up some of the best stuff in the house.
Wish it'd suck up that snooty cat.

So what I wanna know is whether Lelia's goin to Clarinet Infest this year,
cuz if she is, I'm stowin away in her luggage. Me an my girlfriend, or
maybe she's my Ma, or I guess maybe she's my sister? Maybe I can bring
some of my cute little ratlets, too. Bet we have a lot of em this year on
account of Brood Ten Cicada Year. Ain't no rat livin that remembers the
last Cicada year, but we got some wings stacked up in our clubhouse to
remember em by and everyone says Cicadas gotta be the most incredibly
bestest eatin in the world, like gorge yerself til ya puke, so many of em
that nobody even has to fight for em, though what's life without fightin,
I'd like to know? I think after I finish writin this I'll go beat somebody
up an bite em hard, just to stay in practice. But anyhow them great big
red-eyed bugs is rollin aroun in the groun right now, stirrin theirselfs to
life, an I can hear em comin, yum yum yum. What was I sayin? Oh yeah,
Clarinet Infest. Yeah, a buncha rats plans to Infest with ya, if we ain't
too fat to climb in a overnight bag after eatin all them cicadas. That's
if Shadow Cat don't eat us first. Aaaaaaaahhahahahaha! Ooh, I'm so
scared. Not.

Yers truly,
Dick Vigorous, Rodent Supreme

Lelia Loban
E-mail: lelialoban@-----.net
Web site (original music scores as audio or print-out):
http://members.sibeliusmusic.com/LeliaLoban

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