Klarinet Archive - Posting 000333.txt from 2004/04

From: OhSuzan419@-----.com
Subj: Re: [kl] motivation
Date: Tue, 20 Apr 2004 09:36:17 -0400


Tracy Jones wrote:
>
> > I find that I actually practice more sometimes
> > when I have no recitals or concerts to prepare
> > for.

And Ormondtoby answered:

> You seem to be saying, fairly explicitly, that practice
> becomes less
> attractive when the playing becomes difficult.

I'm not sure that was the thrust of Tracy's message. At least, I related to it differently. I find that when I am playing something that I *have* to do (for a concert or other performance where the selection has been chosen by someone else, or for some specific occasion for which I have agreed to play), I find practicing a little tedious.

When I am practicing just for my own growth or edification, on the other hand, I am usually quite happy to spend hours exploring new things of my own selection, lovely things, and just toying around with things to see what I can do, whether or not they are ever going to be played in public. The catch to this, though, is that *unless* I know I am going to have to play something in public, I seldom master these personally-selected pieces -- I just get them to the point where they are "good enough" (whatever that means -- it certainly DOESN'T mean they are good) -- perhaps just "good enough" to convince myself that if I REALLY wanted to work on it, it would probably be do-able.

As a consequence, I have a lot of wonderful pieces that are "almost" in my repertoire. And I thus I remain an "almost" excellent instrumentalist. There is really something self-defeating about this. I almost always do well, but I never do quite as well as I COULD do. Often a bridesmaid, never a bride.

So I have come to believe about myself that there is some reason (deep-seated and neurotic) that I continually fail to live up to my own expectations for myself -- and I'm wondering if this might not go to the heart of what Tracy is worried about in her (his?) own playing.

Susan Kundert
Coshocton, OH

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