Klarinet Archive - Posting 000725.txt from 2003/07

From: "Christy Erickson" <perickso@-----.net>
Subj: RE: [kl] Benny and Harry (was: [kl] The day Benny Goodman saved Batman (not pornographic))
Date: Thu, 24 Jul 2003 21:47:15 -0400

I'm afraid dear Harry would be eligible for at least fourth degree =
sexual
assault charges in today's world. If he had been sitting next to me in =
the
junior high band, he would probably have a much higher voice nowadays. =
As
for those "pointy" looking cone bras, they look much better on Madonna. =
I
went shopping with my daughter the other day for bras and after I =
suggested
one style, she said, "But MOM-NOT the pointy looking ones!=20

Christy Erickson, whose daughter would probably be mortified if she knew =
I
was talking about her bras on-line.

>Lelia wrote
=20
> Uh-oh, this wasn't supposed to be the Benny Porn thread. For some =
reason,
> these stories remind me of the 12-year-old boy in the third clarinet
> section of my junior high school band [1960]. He sat next to an
> attractive
> girl named Janis who wore short, tight skirts and a pointed bra. She
> looked a little bit like Joan Cawford and she "cussed like a
> longshoreman,"
> as my admiring but somewhat scandalized dad put it after she visited =
my
> house. (This was the same girl with whom, in 6th grade, I wrote a =
short
> play called, "The Day I Stabbed the Teacher." We kept that script a
> secret, until her mother found a copy and we caught ten kinds of hell, =
but
> we also co-authored a play about Orville and Wilbur Wright that we
> performed in class. Janis played Wilbur. I played Orville. The =
teacher
> gave us a D because girls weren't supposed to play male roles. Come =
to
> think of it, that ranked among the many reasons *why* we wrote, "The =
Day I
> Stabbed the Teacher.") Gawky ol' Hairy, oops, I mean Harry, had the =
hots
> for Janis something awful. Since he was, after all, 12 years old, his
> idea
> of a sophisticated gambit was to slither up behind her when she was
> bending
> over to put her clarinet in its case, rub up against her backside
> accidentally-on-purpose and say, "Aaaaah, I just love those big, =
beautiful
> hips." This was not exactly Clark Cable material, but in 1960, it was =
not
> commonplace behavior, either.
>=20
> Anyhow, during band class, when the teacher was busy with the flutes =
and
> turned his back on the clarinets, Harry would brace the bell of his
> clarinet against the fly of his trousers, aim the mouthpiece at an =
angle
> suitable for activities not normally welcomed in public, and simulate
> these
> activities vigorously, complete with loud grunting and sundry other =
sound
> FX. The object of his affections finally had about enough of Harry. =
She
> told him if he ever did that again, she'd rat him out. Naturally, =
that
> threat inspired a virtuoso performance. Next morning, the principal
> called
> me into the office and asked if I'd seen Harry do "anything unusual" =
in
> band the previous afternoon. I guess the office needed corroboration =
for
> Janis's story. When I tried to describe what I'd seen Harry do, I =
felt
> myself turning cherry red, lapsed into paroxysms of snorts and =
giggles,
> and
> never could get the words out. Reckon that was good enough, because =
Hairy
> and his musical dildo got suspended.
>=20
> > I'm not making this up.
>=20
> Me, neither!

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