Klarinet Archive - Posting 000705.txt from 2003/07

From: "Lacy, Edwin" <el2@-----.edu>
Subj: [kl] The day Benny Goodman saved Batman (not pornographic)
Date: Thu, 24 Jul 2003 15:54:43 -0400

This is from a comic book of the early 1950's, not a pornographic one.
Imagine this scene: Benny Goodman and Batman (or maybe it was Superman
or Captain Marvel) are trapped in an airtight room by a sinister
perpetrator of evil deeds. The evildoer is pumping poisonous gas
through a small outlet near the roof of the room, too high for either
Benny or the heroic character to reach. (Never mind how this all came
to pass - you have to use a lot of imagination.) There is nothing at
all in the room, no furniture, nothing. Oh yes, except that Benny just
happens to have his clarinet along with him. It looks like our two
heroes are just about done for. But, Benny gets an ingenious idea. He
takes all the keys off his clarinet (I guess he must have had a
screwdriver along with him), and uses chewing gum to stop up all the
holes (I guess he happened also to have a year's supply of chewing gum
with him at the time). Then, assembling the two main body joints and
the barrel, he places an especially large wad of chewing gum in one end
of the clarinet. Using it as a blowgun, he manages to stop up the vent
from which the poisonous gas is escaping, thereby saving the day, and
saving the hero to perform more incredible feats in the ongoing battle
of good against evil.

I'm not making this up.

Ed Lacy
University of Evansville

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