Klarinet Archive - Posting 000535.txt from 2003/07

From: "Jay Webler" <webler@-----.net>
Subj: Re: [kl] Rose Etude #8 (from 32) bar 10, last note: chromatic
Date: Fri, 18 Jul 2003 17:50:37 -0400

I have learned, through a few bad experiences, when I have a student like
this, to immediately speak
to the parent and explain that "their" child is being unco-operative in the
lesson. By doing this I find
out a number of things. 1. Is this something the parent permits at home 2.
Is the child manipulative.
Does he/she try to work two authority figures against each other. When I
have done this one of two things
happens. 1. The child learns to behave properly and learns how to learn. 2.
They quit and go somewhere
else to give some other teacher grief.

I have sometimes run into to teachers who have received those who left.
When I ask how is it going, I get
the typical "Good grief".

Life is to short, and I am not a trained psychologist. I have ADD students
and autistic students and other types of
difficult students, but I insist on making the sure the parent is behind the
learning process. If both of us are agreed that
the student is more likely to get in line.

Jay Webler

----- Original Message -----
From: "Lelia Loban" <lelialoban@-----.net>
Subject: [kl] Rose Etude #8 (from 32) bar 10, last note: chromatic

> Anne Lenoir wrote,
> >One 14-year-old girl pouted and said she didn't want to
> >even try the regular F# fingering because it was too "hard"
> >and too much trouble to learn the passage. She can barely
> >play each measure without making some sort of mistake.
> >She doesn't have enough respect for me to trust me to
> >teach it to her correctly. She would rather just plow through
> >it every which-a-way. Every week I will work with her and
> >get her to play one measure over-&-over, then on to the next
> >measure, then tie them together, and so forth. Every week she
> >sounds as though she has "forgotten" how to play the clarinet.
> >Yet she says that she "loves" her clarinet lessons with me. She
> >always wants me to stay a little longer to play more duets.
>
> Several different things seem to be going on here, and at first glance,
> they don't seem to fit together.
>
> Problem 1: She isn't playing well. Between lessons, she doesn't
> consolidate what she learned. Instead, she forgets what you taught her.
> That sounds as if she doesn't practice at home, between lessons.
>
> Problem 2: She won't even try to do some of the things you suggest, and
> says they're "too hard," but also says that she loves the lessons, and
> tries to prolong them. That seems contradictory. Why would she love
doing
> something if she does it poorly and won't do the work to improve?
>
> Problem 3. It seems to you that she's showing a lack of respect and trust
> in you, when she won't do what you ask her to do--but once again, that's
> contradictory. Her habit of prolonging lessons and saying she "loves"
them
> doesn't indicate a lack of respect. Does it seem that she *likes* you but
> doesn't trust your judgment? But why wouldn't she trust a professional
> musician when you tell her that something is worth learning?
>
> Maybe she's just lazy, and making any old excuses whether they make sense
> or not, but reading between the lines, I'm wondering if maybe there's one
> big problem that explains all of the little ones and puts them into a
> consistent pattern:
>
> She's figured out how to get extra attention from you, by failing.
>
> She likes you and she understands that you sincerely want to help her. If
> she plays so well that she doesn't *need* extra help, then maybe you won't
> pay attention to her any more. If that's the real problem, then her life
> lacks something. She's self-destructively needy, like a puppy that barks
> for attention, waits until someone looks, and then squats down and pees on
> the rug: Criticism is attention. Punishment is attention.
>
> Is a parent at home when you're there? Have her parents separated or
> divorced recently? Does a parent ever sit in during lessons? Does a
> parent seem engaged and interested in the lessons? Or is this student
> being dumped on a series of tutors, group activities and so forth every
day
> as a way to keep her out of trouble while her parent(s) work(s) long
hours?
> She might be privileged and neglected at the same time. Does she have a
> lot of friends, or is she a lonely misfit? Do other kids pick on her at
> school? Or is she the opposite extreme, a frantic little popularity queen
> obsessed with clothes and hair and makeup and "getting" boys? Either
> extreme indicates major insecurity. Eh--okay, maybe there's no such
animal
> as a secure, confident 14-year-old girl. But there's normal insecurity
and
> then there's problem-level insecurity.
>
> If it looks to you as if she's seriously insecure and messing up in order
> to get attention, then probably there's nothing you can do about her
> family, but maybe you could turn around her behavior during your lessons,
> at least. Instead of rewarding her with extra lesson time for doing so
> poorly, one day you could say, "Well, it sounds as if you didn't practice
> your lesson this week, so there's no point in wasting each other's time,"
> and *leave early.* After that wake-up call, make it a rule that lessons
> will never be longer than the allotted time, whether you're really
finished
> or not, *unless she plays extra-well.* I know that clock- watching goes
> against the grain for a dedicated teacher, but if she's seeking attention
> by failing, then she needs to break that habit. Reward her for
> constructive behavior, not for unconstructive behavior.
>
> Lelia
> E-mail: lelialoban@-----.net
> Web site (original music scores as audio or print-out):
> http://members.sibeliusmusic.com/LeliaLoban
>
>
>
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>
>

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