Klarinet Archive - Posting 000524.txt from 2003/07

From: "Lelia Loban" <lelialoban@-----.net>
Subj: [kl] Rose Etude #8 (from 32) bar 10, last note: chromatic
Date: Fri, 18 Jul 2003 10:04:30 -0400

Anne Lenoir wrote,
>One 14-year-old girl pouted and said she didn't want to
>even try the regular F# fingering because it was too "hard"
>and too much trouble to learn the passage. She can barely
>play each measure without making some sort of mistake.
>She doesn't have enough respect for me to trust me to
>teach it to her correctly. She would rather just plow through
>it every which-a-way. Every week I will work with her and
>get her to play one measure over-&-over, then on to the next
>measure, then tie them together, and so forth. Every week she
>sounds as though she has "forgotten" how to play the clarinet.
>Yet she says that she "loves" her clarinet lessons with me. She
>always wants me to stay a little longer to play more duets.

Several different things seem to be going on here, and at first glance,
they don't seem to fit together.

Problem 1: She isn't playing well. Between lessons, she doesn't
consolidate what she learned. Instead, she forgets what you taught her.
That sounds as if she doesn't practice at home, between lessons.

Problem 2: She won't even try to do some of the things you suggest, and
says they're "too hard," but also says that she loves the lessons, and
tries to prolong them. That seems contradictory. Why would she love doing
something if she does it poorly and won't do the work to improve?

Problem 3. It seems to you that she's showing a lack of respect and trust
in you, when she won't do what you ask her to do--but once again, that's
contradictory. Her habit of prolonging lessons and saying she "loves" them
doesn't indicate a lack of respect. Does it seem that she *likes* you but
doesn't trust your judgment? But why wouldn't she trust a professional
musician when you tell her that something is worth learning?

Maybe she's just lazy, and making any old excuses whether they make sense
or not, but reading between the lines, I'm wondering if maybe there's one
big problem that explains all of the little ones and puts them into a
consistent pattern:

She's figured out how to get extra attention from you, by failing.

She likes you and she understands that you sincerely want to help her. If
she plays so well that she doesn't *need* extra help, then maybe you won't
pay attention to her any more. If that's the real problem, then her life
lacks something. She's self-destructively needy, like a puppy that barks
for attention, waits until someone looks, and then squats down and pees on
the rug: Criticism is attention. Punishment is attention.

Is a parent at home when you're there? Have her parents separated or
divorced recently? Does a parent ever sit in during lessons? Does a
parent seem engaged and interested in the lessons? Or is this student
being dumped on a series of tutors, group activities and so forth every day
as a way to keep her out of trouble while her parent(s) work(s) long hours?
She might be privileged and neglected at the same time. Does she have a
lot of friends, or is she a lonely misfit? Do other kids pick on her at
school? Or is she the opposite extreme, a frantic little popularity queen
obsessed with clothes and hair and makeup and "getting" boys? Either
extreme indicates major insecurity. Eh--okay, maybe there's no such animal
as a secure, confident 14-year-old girl. But there's normal insecurity and
then there's problem-level insecurity.

If it looks to you as if she's seriously insecure and messing up in order
to get attention, then probably there's nothing you can do about her
family, but maybe you could turn around her behavior during your lessons,
at least. Instead of rewarding her with extra lesson time for doing so
poorly, one day you could say, "Well, it sounds as if you didn't practice
your lesson this week, so there's no point in wasting each other's time,"
and *leave early.* After that wake-up call, make it a rule that lessons
will never be longer than the allotted time, whether you're really finished
or not, *unless she plays extra-well.* I know that clock- watching goes
against the grain for a dedicated teacher, but if she's seeking attention
by failing, then she needs to break that habit. Reward her for
constructive behavior, not for unconstructive behavior.

Lelia
E-mail: lelialoban@-----.net
Web site (original music scores as audio or print-out):
http://members.sibeliusmusic.com/LeliaLoban

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