Klarinet Archive - Posting 000583.txt from 2003/05
From: "Lelia Loban" <lelialoban@-----.net> Subj: [kl] Witchcraft for clarinetists (was: [kl] Hawaiian PUNCH!) Date: Fri, 23 May 2003 16:57:44 -0400
I wrote,
>If you eat cicadas, will your reeds chirp?
Melinda wrote,
>>dare ya to try it
You first! ;-)
Now that proposition was based upon the First Law of Thaumaturgy, "As
above, so below," but it's equally likely, according to the same law, that
eating cicadas would *cancel out* any chirping of reeds, or that the
cicadas would do all the chirping, leaving the reeds free to do something
else instead. If that didn't work, then perhaps attracting cicada-eating
wasps into the case would let them eat the chirps.
By the same logic, using a mouse trap as a reed case might kill squeaks.
If the powerful spring on a neck-clamp mousetrap would damage the reeds
(possibly even lead to a choked tone quality), then I think that a pair of
those small, two-reed La Voz holders would fit into a Hav-A-Heart
mousetrap, although, of course, the Law of Unintended Consequences might
prevail, causing a screaming or wailing tone, as the reeds assume the
personalities of terrified, trapped rodents. Then, too, the presence of a
trap of any kind in the instrument case could very well lead to a clarinet
player getting trapped in the present, undesireable seating assignment, or
getting stuck with the conductor from hell, for example.
If that proved to be the case, however, one might remove the trap long
enough to ascend in the seating order, then replace the trap in order to
get stuck in *first* chair--and, since these traps are usually sold in
pairs, it would then be most convenient to safeguard one's position by
generously providing the second chair player with a trap (and a misleading
explanation, naturally...) to keep the competition trapped behind. One
might give a competitor a reed knife, as well, since conventional wisdom
has it that the gift of a knife is bad luck--but I would not recommend this
course, since it's close enough to a curse to evoke the Boomerang Law:
"That which you cast out will come back to you threefold."
;-)
Lelia
E-mail: lelialoban@-----.net
Web site (original music scores as audio or print-out):
http://members.sibeliusmusic.com/LeliaLoban
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