Klarinet Archive - Posting 000419.txt from 2003/04
From: Elgenubi@-----.com
Subj: [kl] Performance
Date: Sat, 26 Apr 2003 00:35:55 -0400
I want to use you all to decompress.
I have just returned from the pledge dinner at my Unitarian Fellowship
where we performed Schubert's Shepherd on the Rock. I am an amateur, and
have not played a serious piece of music in front of an audience since I
played the Mozart Quintet at Humboldt State in about 1978. I've been
practicing and taking lessons for about a year, after taking the intervening
years off. Feels pretty darn good. If I knew then, what I know now, I could
have been playing a lot of music in the meantime.
Back then, I was easily discouraged by the superior technical
abilities of just about everyone around me. I was told back then that I had
a really nice tone, and that I could play musically. I couldn't hear that
praise, but I knew that I couldn't keep up with the fast passages in the band
music. In the Mozart I flubbed that Alberti section in the last section.
So....... I never felt that I could be a real musician. The Schubert, as
most of you know, ends with some fast notes. It may be argued that I
shouldn't have tried this if I wasn't 100% sure I could do it. This is what
happened. I really really worked hard on this. I knew I was at my limit,
but I realize now that there are many possible ways to improve. I have been
trying to relax. My right arm, my whole right side seems to go tight when
I'm challenged. And I have been practicing using all the good techniques of
slow scales, of incremental increases and decreases of tempo, of rhythmic
changes, etc., etc. And finally, I rediscovered anxiety. At home practicing
I could do that section well 70% of the time at 96 (I know it's slow). In
the run through, some strange nervousness attacked my right arm and half the
note were gone in a way that never happens at home practicing. In the
performance, I let the feelings run through me somehow, concentrating on the
little places in the piece that are so beautiful, I tear up every time. I
thought of the audience and tried to make it so they could feel it, too. I
listened to Martha, the singer, and just tried to make music. When the last
notes came flying at me, I was deliberate and musical. I think I flubbed the
high F and maybe some notes around it, but I got the descending broken chords
(yay!!!). The strange nervousness caught up with me in the ascending scale,
and I'm not sure what came out, though I ended with a strong C. Then I got
the final blurp to the E at the end. I can't believe I got it all as well as
I did. Of course it was slower than usual, but I think I was able to keep it
dramatic. And more importantly the audience, knowing nothing of these
travails, seemed to really like it. I was so lucky to have Martha and the
pianist to make music with.
No real point to this note. I suppose I'm preaching to the choir.
Making music is good. The thing I know now that I didn't know 25 years ago
is that everyone has the right to make music. And that the little technical
problems can be worked on. I have no idea how capable I might get, but
occasionally in band I'll get a figure that everyone else misses. Maybe I do
have a point. I really feel for the youngsters out there that don't have
confidence. You guys just keep playing, take the knowledge from your
teachers, and listen to compliments. Take the compliments to heart. Thanks
for listening, List. And again, I really got a lot from that discussion
about Shepherd a month ago. I'm looking forward to doing this again in a few
years; I know I will do it better!
Wayne Thompson
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