Klarinet Archive - Posting 000295.txt from 2003/04

From: "Rebecca Brennan" <rjbrennan1221@-----.com>
Subj: Re: [kl] floor hamsters
Date: Sat, 26 Apr 2003 00:33:52 -0400

Dick Vigorous?

>From: "Lelia Loban" <lelialoban@-----.net>
>Reply-To: klarinet@-----.org
>To: klarinet@-----.org
>Subject: [kl] floor hamsters
>Date: Wed, 9 Apr 2003 17:09:20 -0400
>
>B. Rite wrote,
> >> A Klarinetist is in distress! I sense a visit from either Shadow or
> >> Dick Vigorous.... or perhaps both.
>
>Ken Wolman wrote,
> >Good God. That looks like (1) someone I used to work for at
> >AT&T in 1983 (2) the creature from a remarkable Jacques
> >Tourneur movie from 1956 called "Curse of the Demon" or
> >(3) something from nightmares I had when I was a kid.
>
>Yeeks! After looking at that excellent drawing, Rebecca, I don't think you
>need help from cats or rats. Try an exorcist!
>;-)
>
>Lelia
>lelialoban@-----.net
>
>------------------------------
>
>Date: Wed, 09 Apr 2003 08:06:06 -0400
>To: klarinet@-----.org
>From: Shadow Cat <666felines.rule.net>
>Subject: Re: [kl] floor hamsters
>Message-id: <13screechsticks-suck.com>
>
>I'm making my stupid pet human type this. I have no idea what a floor
>hamster might be, but Dick, I am happy to report, will not help you,
>because he is no longer Vigorous. When Lelia talks about Hammsters, she
>means people who play Hammond organs, but I don't suppose they crawl around
>on the floor, although I imagine they do need evicting from music rooms.
>However, if they distress screech-stick players and their verminous
>instruments of torture, so much the better.
>
>Ken Wolman wrote,
> >If that's a hamster, Rebecca, I'd hate to see how you draw a cat....
>
>EXCUSE ME??? Humph!
>Sssst!
>Shadow Cat
>
>~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
>Hey, Dick Vigorous here. I don't know how big them floor hamsters is, but
>if they taste good, count me in. That furbag Shadow Cat lies her twitchy
>tail off, as usual. Okay, okay, there's a little bit of somethin to what
>she said, cause Dick Vigorous the Previous, he croaked off over the winter.
>That's how come he ain't said nothin lately. He got too old an sick to
>take over Lelia's brain an make her her type for him no more, but he lived
>to be more'n seven years old, ancient fer a rat, so Shadow Cat don't need
>to go all high and mighty, cause she didn't have nothin to do with it, no
>matter what she says. He died of plain old age. Not too many rats can say
>that. He was sittin in the attic teachin me all about sneakin down the
>drainpipe an across the floor joists above the ceiling to that
>looking-crack where I can watch gangster movies on the basement TV with
>Lelia, taught me how to sneak up through the wall to the attic so I can
>listen to the clarinet, taught me all about stealin goodies, all about
>telepathy to make humans type fer ya, all about how to taunt Shadow
>Cat--taught me all about everything he knowed which was a lot, up to when
>he breathed his last. He left his brains an his name to me, so I'm the new
>Dick Vigorous now, an what's it to ya? Ya wanna make sumpin of it?
>
>Yeah, a couple of the rats under the house here, they warned I better not
>eat my grandpa's brains (or maybe he was my dad, or no, I think he was my
>brother, or more likely all three), cause he probably died of that West
>Nile whatever, but I said phooey to that, he didn't have no West Nile
>nothin, them's just jealous cause he left his brains an his name to me an
>not them. So we had us a good fight, rollin over an over an bitin each
>other hard, an naturally I won, cause you better believe Dick Vigorous the
>Previous he didn't pick no chump for his heir, so I done cracked open my
>teacher's skull an et his brains an took his name an then I drug the empty
>body outside fer the owls, an that done settled that. Am I ever glad I'm a
>rat an not a mouse. The way they names theirselves, it's downright
>disgraceful. They ain't got no concept of original thinkin. Just a few
>weeks ago, I met this mouse, see, an I asked him his name, see, an he said
>Mickey 940,986,305. Sheesh, what kinda name's that? A rat would crawl
>away an die of shame if he got stuck with a name that lame.
>
>So anyways, I'm Dick Vigorous now, an one of them fakers who didn't inherit
>no name with honor, he got hisself a new name out of the fight after all,
>cause the winner gets to name the loser. He don't like his new name much.
>It's Loppy, cause I bit him specially good an now his left ear lops over
>funny-like. That'll show 'em. Nobody better mess with me, ya got that?
>
>Cause I'm top rat of this yard an this house now, I told em, and if ya
>wanna come in the attic an hear the clarinets, ya gotta get permission from
>me and gimme somethin good, like Cheetos or maybe raid that birdseed stash
>Mr. Stumpy the Squirrel an his child bride got buried under the shed. Oh,
>yeah, I know all about that. Stumpy ain't said what whacked half his tail
>off, but lemme tell ya right now, it wasn't no Shadow Cat. He runs back an
>forth on the outside window sill right in fronta her and taps on the glass
>an says chitter-chitter-chit at her and she's on the inside window sill
>where she can't do nothin but glare an hiss an bang on the glass. Every
>critter in the yard's gigglin meanwhile. Them two was goin at it fifteen
>minutes yesterday, near to broke the window knockin on it, until Mr.
>Stumpy's child bride told him lay off teasin that hairbag an go git some of
>that nice sunflower seed fer the twins why dontcha, ya lazy bum, an he says
>Yes Darlin an off he goes, meek as a minnow.
>
>Hey, clarinet players, us rats is yer biggest fans! Squeak on! Lemme know
>about them floor hamsters.
>
>Dick Vigorous
>
>
>
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