Klarinet Archive - Posting 000555.txt from 2003/03

From: "Rebecca Brennan" <rjbrennan1221@-----.com>
Subj: [kl] Nothing to do with clarinet, but I thought I would share it anyway.
Date: Wed, 12 Mar 2003 15:46:28 -0500

Hi fellow clarinet obsessers,

I know this has nothing to do with clarinet, but I thought I would share it
anyway because it made me laugh. I'm not forwarding this because I fear of
my socks disappearing, I am forwarding it for your enjoyment. If you don't
like it, I am sorry and just delete it.

-Rebecca

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Hello, my name is none of your business. I am suffering from seven rare and
deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear
of being mauled by squirrels, and guilt for not forwarding out 50
billion chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you
send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a potato
growing out of her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it
removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show.
>
>Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and
>everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky
>here. If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll meet the girl or guy
>of my dreams tomorrow. What a bunch of junk.
>
>So basically, this message is directed to all the people out there who have
>nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the
>evil letter leprechauns will come into my
house and write "I'm a moron" on my forehead in permanent marker in mysleep
for not continuing the chain which was started by a knight of the round
table and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower
and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World
Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.
>
>If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly
>amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and
>this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel
>from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. It's gettingold. Show
>a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to
>by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
>
>THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
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>Chain Letter Type 1:
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>Make a wish
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>No, really, go on and make one
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>Oh please, they'll never go out with you
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>Wish something else
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>No, I'm sorry, we're out of ponies at the time being
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>Have you forgotten why you're scrolling yet?
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>STOP
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>Wasn't that fun? :) Hope you made a great wish! :)
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>Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do.
>First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds,
>you will be kidnapped by ninja elves and thrown off a high building into a
>pile of manure. It's true, because THIS letter isn't like all of those fake
>ones. THIS one is TRUE. Really.
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>Here's how it goes:
>*Send this to 1 person: One person will be annoyedwith you for sending them
>a stupid chain letter.
>*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be annoyed
>with you forsending them a stupid chain letter.
>*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be annoyed
>with you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a
>plot on your life.
>*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will beannoyed with you for
>sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.
>Thanks. Good Luck!
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>Chain Letter Type 2:
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>Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a
>starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no
>parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for
>every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little
>Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.
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>Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and
>this is all a complete load of junk.
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>So go on and reach out. Send this to 5 people in the
>next 47 seconds.
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>Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you
>will die instantly.
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>Thanks again.
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>Chain Letter Type 3:
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>Hi there. This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is
>absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as
>many sad email addicts with nothing better to do.
So, this is how it works:
>1. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutesor something
>horrible will happen to you like:
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>*Bizarre Horror Story* #1
>Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and
ignored it. Later that day, he was crushed by an anvil that was dropped by a
plane that just happened to be flying directly above
him.
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>This Could Happen To You
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>*Bizarre Horror Story* #2
>Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school onWednesday. She had recently
>received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the
>sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a
drainpipe in a flood of poop, and went flying out over a waterfall.
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>Not only did she smell nasty, she died too.
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>This Could Happen To You Too
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>2. Remember, you could end up just like Bip and Pinsley. Just send this
>letter to all of your loser friends, and everything
will be okay.
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>Chain Letter Type 4:
>As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your
>friends.
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>Friends
>Blah, Blah, Blah,
>Friends,
>Blah, Blah, Blah.
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>A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his
>wish of being rich to come true.
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>Now pass this on. If you don't, no one will like you for as long as
you live. I mean it, as long as you live.
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>The point being?
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>*If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you
friendless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.
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>*If it's funny, send it on. Don't annoy people by making them feel guilty
>about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant
>for 27 years, whose only chance of living is the 5 cents per letter he'll
>receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda.
>Right?
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>*******Now forward this to everyone you know or you'll find all your socks
>missing tomorrow morning.*******