Klarinet Archive - Posting 000246.txt from 2003/03

From: Robyn Brown <rjbrown@-----.edu>
Subj: [kl] re: anger and jealousy
Date: Thu, 6 Mar 2003 03:06:55 -0500

Rebecca,
As a college student who is smack dab in between you and most (all?) of the
people responding to this thread (in age and experience), I feel inclined
to add my 2 cents to this discussion. First of all, I agree completely
that if you love playing, by all means, never, ever quit playing. I know
from personal experience with one of my good adult friends that quitting
music would be something that you would regret for the rest of your life
(and I know many of the responses have backed this up).

A little background: I am a clarinet performance major at a smallish state
school in Washington state. When I was in high school I was in much the
same position you are now. I was fairly well known in the music scene and
took home a lot of the honors. I'm not the best at my college, but I would
say I'm near the top (however, considering our size, I'm not sure if that's
saying much). I started college with a double major in music performance
and music education (as a backup, in case the performance thing doesn't
work). I eventually dropped the ed major because I couldn't handle all the
pressure and wasn't getting enough practice time.

But here's the point of this rambling message (sorry, it's way past my
bedtime and I'm avoiding my homework for a bit)....I debate with myself at
least once a week whether or not I want to go into music performance. The
questions are endless, and are much the same as the ones you are asking
yourself now...am I good enough? can I make money? etc. I've flipped
through the course catalog numerous times looking to see if there is a
major that I would enjoy that would guarantee me a more solid
career. There never is. Also, I don't get a whole lot of support from the
people around me. Most say "there isn't much money in music" or "you'd
better have a back-up". These comments are frustrating, and I guarantee
that you will get them. But for me, they have only served to strengthen my
resolve that this is what I want to do. Whenever I start to get down on
myself and wonder if I'm doing the right thing, I remind myself that I have
to make believers of those people who don't support me. I don't know what
has happened in your life recently that has caused you to have a "reality
check" but I would say, think it over carefully, decide if it has merit,
and if not, ignore it. Don't let it stop you. Allow it to strengthen YOUR
resolve.

I get very frustrated sometimes with what I'm doing and how I compare to
others, and it wears me down. But...music feeds me so much. I'm sure you
know that there is nothing better than the (natural) high you get after a
successful performance (I am so hyper after band and orchestra concerts
;-) And that's what keeps me going. So, I apologize for the lengthy
message, and I hope my late night ramblings make some kind of sense. I
guess my point is that what you are going through is completely normal, and
(unfortunately) it will almost surely follow you through college until you
get out into the working world and land yourself an orchestra job or a
teaching job (assuming you do decide to go into music). At that point you
know that you can succeed (because you have). As for me, I'm in the middle
of that journey and I have no clue where it will take me. I must say it's
at the same time exhilarating and terrifying. So, for whatever it's worth,
there's my story. I think it's time for bed, before I get more incoherent. :-)

Robyn

P.S. Don't be angry. Be inspired. Find those people who play better than
you and hang around them. Learn from them. Find out what they are doing
to be so good.

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