Klarinet Archive - Posting 000224.txt from 2003/03
From: Deidre Calarco <DLeigh@-----.org>
Subj: Re: [kl] anger and jelousy of a southern west virginian music
Date: Wed, 5 Mar 2003 20:26:46 -0500
> Where I live I am good. I am the primo crop, the prodigy, the best! Then I
> step out of my little bubble into another county or state and I feel so
> inferior and angry! I have no idea what level the average American 17 year
> old clarinet student is on, but I think I am lower than that. Somebody
> please enlighten me on what I should be able to do so I know where I stand
> in the clarinet world.
>
> I love clarinet very deeply and I want to play clarinet for a living and
> major in music and be one of the great, but I am really starting to have my
> doubts now.
>
> -Rebecca, just learned she is living a dream, not a reality.
Hum... Let's see. When I was 17, I thought I was pretty good. I'd studied
privately for 6 years. I thought the Mozart was technically easy. I could
do all the Weber stuff. I'd gone through 3 Rose books. I could play the
Poulanc just fine, and loved it. I had all my major, minor (melodic and
harmonic) scales memorized. I played in my school band, orchestra, and jazz
band and in the community orchestra, which I had the opportunity to solo
with. I'd aced all the proficiencies in state S&E.
I had some other things going for me: my mom was a professional quality
pianist, and she was my accompanist. Since she was so good, I got to work
on a lot of serious repertoire. I'd grown up with symphony people around,
too, and had even had a few opportunities to play chamber music with pros.
Really lucky!
BUT, I wasn't the most disciplined kid in the world. I didn't practice as
much as I was supposed to and I worried that I'd never be able to compete
with people who worked harder than I did at the college level. I had some
mental blacks; for instance, sometimes I had trouble with fast tongued
passages. I wasn't totally happy with my sound. I was good at sight
reading and ensemble playing, and could usually play well in performance
(good with stress, I guess). But, I felt like I was better than I deserved
to be and I knew what a struggle it could be trying to make it as a
classical wind player.
I felt like a fraud. When I saw other people my age who were further along
than I was, I thought there was no way I could succeed at music. (Okay,
there was a little problem with me not wanting my mom to have to support me
as an adult, too. She couldn't afford it.)
15 years later...
I decided not to major in music in college and eventually stopped playing.
I gave in to the doubts. I'm an engineer now.
I'm not quite happy. I keep dreaming about music. Not fantasizing, I mean
literally, while I'm asleep. One day last year, I bought an A clarinet on
Ebay - one that matches my Bb R13. The one I used to play belonged to my
high school, and I had to give it back. My new A clarinet is a beautiful
horn. It has an even better sound than my Bb. So, I started practicing
again. That's why I'm on this list. I'll have to find someplace to play as
soon as I'm sounding okay again.
Anyway, I can't tell you that becoming a professional musician is an easy
goal. The streets are littered with ex-musicians who used to be good,
including people who gave up after getting one or more music degrees.
However, there are a few things I didn't understand well enough as a 17 year
old.
1. It's not just a competition. It's a community. Many people end up
being successful at music. You don't have to be the best in every way. You
just have to work hard, have some talent, put yourself out there, and keep
trying regardless of setbacks. You can learn from other people, and they
can learn from you. You can take pleasure in the camaraderie and in each
other's playing. Develop your own style and sound. Everyone is unique.
2. Who you study with is more important than what school you go to. It's
not just the name, but how compatible you are with them, and how good they
are as a teacher.
3. Most other jobs are not as fun as being a professional musician. It's
probably worth a little extra work and stress.
4. If you love music, you'll never get it out of your system. If you try
to give it up, it will keep following you around. However, you can't charge
it with stalking.
5. You just have to keep playing. Look for opportunities. Get your name
out there. Take auditions. Organize groups. Set up gigs. Never give up.
6. And... If being able to support yourself is an issue, double major in
music ed. Even being a music teacher is more fun than most jobs.
7. If you decide not to major in music but want to keep playing, make sure
the school you go to allows non-music majors to take classes in the music
school. Not all do.
Probably the pros will have better advice, but I had to give it a shot...
-Deidre
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