Klarinet Archive - Posting 000457.txt from 2002/12

From: Steve White <bass.clarinet@-----.net>
Subj: Re: [kl] Some musician jokes
Date: Thu, 19 Dec 2002 11:52:00 -0500

On Thursday 19 December 2002 04:40, you wrote:
What's the Difference between a bosson and a trompoline?

You take your shoes off to jump on a Trampoline.

> A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back=
her
> roommate asked, "Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great
> kisser?"
> "Nah," the first girl replied. "That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it=
was
> no fun at all."
> The next night she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back =
her
> roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
> "Ugh!" the first girl exclaimed. "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbe=
ring
> slabs of meat; oh, it was just gross!"
> The next night she went out with a French horn player, and when she cam=
e
> back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
> "Well," the first girl replied, "his kissing was just so-so; but I love=
d
> the way he held me!"
>
> Why is the French horn a divine instrument? Because a man blows in it, =
but
> only God knows what comes out of it.
>
> How do you know when a clarinet player is at your house? They don't kno=
w
> where to enter or what key to use.
> What's the difference between a clarinet solo and scraping your nails d=
own
> the blackboard? Vibrato.
>
> How do you stop an oboe from being stolen? Put it in a clarinet case.
>
> How do you know when a clarinetist has died? The concertmaster moves th=
em
> back a chair...
>
> How do you get a clarinetist out of a tree? Cut the noose.
>
> What do a clarinet and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved w=
hen
> the case is closed.
>
> Why do clarinetists blow their horns between their legs? That's all the
> excitement they can get.
>
> Is there any difference between the sound of a clarinet and that of a c=
at
> in heat? Of course there is, but only if the cat's in good health.
>
> What's the purpose of the bell on a bass clarinet? Storing the ashes fr=
om
> the rest of the instrument.
>
> A new customer walks into the new store on the block that sells brains.
> There are three glass cases, each containing a nice wet quivering grey
> brain. The first one says "Astrophysicist", and it costs $10. The secon=
d
> says "Avon Salesman" and costs $1000. The third says "Drummer" and cost=
s
> $10,000. The customer is confused, and questions the salesperson. "I do=
n't
> get it...why would I want a drummer's brain for $10,000 when I can get =
an
> astrophysicists' for $10?". The salesman replies, "Because it's never b=
een
> used."
> What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer? You only ha=
ve
> to punch the information into the drum machine once!
>
> A drummer, tired from being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn ho=
w to
> play some "real" musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks i=
n,
> approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over t=
here
> and that accordian." The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and repl=
ies
> "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay"=
=2E
>
> If a dollar bill was laying in the center of a room, and the Easter Bun=
ny,
> Santa Claus, a good drummer, and a bad drummer were standing in the
> corners, who would get the money? The bad drummer since the other three
> don=92t exist!
>
> What's the difference between an oboe and an onion? Nobody cries when y=
ou
> chop up an oboe.
>
> The soprano, not being smart enough to use birth control, says to her
> saxophophonist lover, "Honey, I think you better pull out now."
> He replies, "Why? Am I sharp?"
>
> How many third trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb? Non=
e.
> They can't reach that high!
>
> What is a burning oboe good for? Setting a bassoon on fire.
>
>
>
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>
>
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------

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