Klarinet Archive - Posting 000029.txt from 2002/09

From: LeliaLoban@-----.com
Subj: [kl] Bad clarinets (was: [kl] A new standard of mediocrity?)
Date: Wed, 4 Sep 2002 16:49:13 -0400

Back on August 24, Barb Levy wrote,
>Recently a new student brought in a "Mark II"
>clarinet that his parents had bought at one of the
>large warehouse clubs. What a nightmare! Right
>out of the box, every pinkie key was bent, the RH
>ring mechanism was not working, and the bottom
>side key was bent toward the back. Needless to say,
>I had the parents return it. The next week, he brought
>in a replacement "Mark II" that was not quite so bent
>up, but still had the bent bottom side key. Arggh!!

Have any of the kids brought you those beauties with the red pads yet?
Parents need to be warned not to buy these for their kids. They're the worst
new clarinets I've ever seen. This is an update on them because they're
getting more and more common. I've mentioned them here before: They're
black plastic with "simple system" keywork, made in China, imported (in a
revival of the old Silk Road trade route!) to dealers in India, Pakistan,
Russia, Turkey and probably some other places, then shipped by those
middlemen to flea market and eBay dealers in the USA.

Some dealers brand the instruments with various names and places of origin on
paper stickers, though the most popular brand name at flea markets seems to
be: no label at all. At first, nearly all of the retailers of these
clarinets in the Eastern USA were Russians, but that's changed. The
clarinets with red pads might turn up in anybody's booth now, because they're
available through wholesale catalogues written in English, that cater to the
general flea market trade.

Although I've never attempted to play one of these nasties, IMHO they look
unplayable. The manufacturing standards are so dismal that sometimes big,
hardened drips and bubbles of plastic protrude inside the bore and the tone
holes. Shake one and chances are, the peculiarly lightweight keys will
rattle. These clarinets sell naked or with a flimsy, molded plastic case,
lined with red flocking of the type that's sprayed on from a can. Two
seasons ago, the typical flea market asking price went down from $140 to $99.
Now it's down to $50, including the case. The dealer who told me about the
wholesale catalogues claimed that these clarinets are "sold only for
decoration," but, regardless of whatever cautious language the catalogues may
use, in my experience the majority of flea market and eBay dealers who hawk
these shoddy simulacra claim that they're real musical instruments and a
great bargain compared to "overpriced" music store clarinets. One dealer
told me, "It's like the difference between generic drugs and overpriced brand
name drugs. They're all the same, really."

The latest: School has already started in some local districts. A dealer I
know slightly showed up with one of these mutant clarinetoids at the
Columbia, Maryland "Special Sunday" flea market on September 1. He saw me
looking at the price tag and gave me the sales pitch. I tried not to be
*too* rude.... He shrugged, and told me that he knew nothing about musical
instruments. He said he'd bought this clarinet for his own son, from another
dealer at the previous month's Big Sunday.

At first, I assumed that the dealer only intended to make the clarinet sound
more desirable by claiming he bought it for his own son, but he kept on
talking: At beginner band orientation class last Friday, the band teacher
held this new clarinet high in the air, said he never wanted to see it again,
and explained why, in detail. Now the dad (having patiently explained to the
poor kid that humilation is rarely fatal and not sufficient cause for staying
home from school) was trying to get his $50 back out of the deal. He said
his son usually helps him with his flea market booth, but has switched to
trumpet and refuses to be seen anywhere near that clarinet again.

The dealer didn't seem surprised when I turned down the clarinet for $50
after this conversation, but he wouldn't give up without lowering his price
to $30. He coaxed me by saying that he was sure I could pop the clarinet to
someone else for $50 and make a profit: "Aw, you can find at least one other
guy as dumb as I was!" I hope he *meant* that as his punch-line, because he
got a pretty good laugh -- though not a good enough laugh to sell me his
clarinet!
;-)

Lelia

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