Klarinet Archive - Posting 000433.txt from 2002/07

From: LeliaLoban@-----.com
Subj: [kl] A Bit of Religious Humor
Date: Thu, 18 Jul 2002 10:00:15 -0400

Richard Bush wrote,
>I can deal with the one nation "Under
>God," (even though it offends me and is
>not my belief) but I've always had a
>hard time with the last part....."with
>liberty and justice for all."
>
>We've made a great amount of progress,
>but we, as a nation still need to keep
>working on that last, idilic concept.

Richard, this thread in the context of <[kl] Music that makes you Wince>
gives rise to a Modest Proposal. I think we should write to our state and
national legislators and tell them that requiring children to recite the
Pledge of Allegiance in the classroom doesn't go nearly far enough. No, even
the new law here in Virginia, that requires all public schools to display a
poster that says, "In God We Trust," doesn't go far enough.

We should force those kids to sing our National Anthem, too, for their own
good. In fact, at the ballgames, we shouldn't hire professional singers to
do our patriotic duty for us. No, no, the entire crowd, children and adults
alike (since we were all created equal) must stand up and sing "The Star
Spangled Banner," not just at athletic events, but before all movies,
concerts and other public entertainments. Nobody should even be able to get
a lap-dance without singing "The Star Spangled Banner" first. In fact, if we
really want to make this loyalty test mean something, we should make
everybody sing "The Star Spangled Banner" before they board any bus, train,
airplane or other public transportation.

Of course, we loyal citizens will keep our eyes and ears open, vigilant to
notice who fails to sing, or who omits certain words, especially the word
"free" near the end, because anybody who fails to sing out is obviously a
terrorist sympathizer opposed to democratic rule of law. (And any *real*
patriot will pop the octave on "free," too.) As our great leader, Spurious
George--oops, I mean George W. Bush, has said so many times, you're either
with us or against us. We can't call ourselves "the land of the free" if
we're so selfish that we're unwilling to give up our freedoms; and we can't
call this great nation "the home of the brave" if we're too chicken to shriek
off-pitch in public. Any lame excuses along the lines of, "I can't reach all
the notes," won't be tolerated. No, that's an obvious lie, a
terrorist-inspired lie. Anybody who won't sing our National Anthem on demand
goes straight to solitary confinement, with no right to consult an attorney.
That'll fix 'em.

This might be the only way we'll ever get a new anthem that more than five
percent of the public can sing.

;-)
Lelia
P. S....
For those with the genetic impairment of Facetiousness Deficiency: My
apologies.

For those in countries other than the USA who may not know what I'm yammering
about: The National Anthem of the USA, "The Star Spangled Banner," requires
such an enormous vocal range that it is in fact unsingable by the great
majority of people, including quite a lot of professional singers.

For those who use Yahoo.com: You won't be able to reply to me by private
mail because the predatory trolls at AOL continue, over my objections and
without explanation other than sending me the same ****ing useless FAQ over
and over, to block all e-mail sent to me from Yahoo.com addresses.

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