Klarinet Archive - Posting 000380.txt from 2002/05

From: LeliaLoban@-----.com
Subj: [kl] From Cartellieri to SpongeBob & SquarePants
Date: Wed, 15 May 2002 08:44:27 -0400

Thanks, Bill Wright and others, for the information about the cartoon show!
I'll try to catch an episode.

Tim Roberts wrote,
>I laughed out loud to think that you would take issue
>with the "realism" of the tentacles not touching the clarinet,
>while apparently finding no fault with the realism of a squid
>playing the clarinet at all, or the realism of playing a
>clarinet underwater.

Hmm. If we all turned squiddy enough to breathe water, and to breathe it
into a clarinet, what would happen if somebody *did* play the clarinet
underwater? Water conducts sound quite well (whale communication over many
miles; distinctive cavitation sound of submarines, etc.). Might make an
interesting experiment for one person with a metal or plastic clarinet and a
large mouthful of water, and another person with ears flapping. Maybe the
ears flapping in one direction and the clarinet blowing out water in the
other direction might propel the experimenters in opposite directions,
providing some information about carrying power....

Okay, if H. P. Lovecraft was right in "The Shadow Over Innsmouth," and the
Deep Ones are trying to take over the world one fishy-eyed geek at a time,
then the rest of us might as well turn a profit. I can see the marquee now:

Leather Lungs Lester and the Lake-dwellers!
Now Appearing at the Las Vegas Underwater Lounge!

They're performing (to the tune of "Boogy Woogie Bugle Boy"):

Icky, Sticky Boogie
(by Lelia Loban with abject apologies to Hugh Prince and Don Raye)

They hid him in the basement for a year before
He started growing gills and slipped down to the shore.
His skin took on a scaly sheen.
His eyes developed a bulge
And then his hair turned pale green.
And soon he will reveal his grotesque ancestry:
Join the icky, sticky Deep Ones living under the sea.
A slip! A slop! A slippery slimy flop!
He's growing tentacles now --
And he can't hide 'em.
His fingers are webbed and it's lamentable how
Some folks admire 'em.
And now he will fulfill his grotesque destiny:
As an icky, sticky Deep One living under the sea!

Lelia
(ignoring glassy-eyed look of disgusted disbelief from Shadow Cat)

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