Klarinet Archive - Posting 000782.txt from 2001/11

From: "Alisa Hixon" <ahixon@-----.com>
Subj: Re: [kl] 7th grader wants to quit
Date: Wed, 28 Nov 2001 19:43:50 -0500

Karl,

You have sent some wise words my way.. Thank you!

I will ask her these questions. I have spoke w/her director and lessons
teacher.
Both tell me she does very well.

I knew when I said "I want her to experience things I did not" .. I would be
asking for
trouble..*smiling*

Believe me there are some things I don't want her to experience.

I will put your words of wisdom to good use.

--alisa

----- Original Message -----
From: "Karl Krelove" <kkrelove@-----.com>
Subject: RE: [kl] 7th grader wants to quit

> You will need to gauge for yourself how much she's willing to resist
> continuing. If it's only a mild sulk - "NObody else is playing in band
next
> year..." - it may well be worthwhile to tell her that
> a). she hasn't played long enough to know whether she likes it or not,
> b). it sounds like she may just have hit a rough spot in the road and that
> quitting is not in general a good way to react to these,
> c). you've invested a lot of time and money to give her the opportunity to
> play, and you expect her to make a real effort before giving up, and
> d). if there's some other, stronger reason why she wants to drop out, she
> needs to tell you honestly so you can she can talk about it and see if
> another solution is possible.
>
> All of that said, you need to try to figure out
> a). if there is some reason within the program at school why a lot of kids
> are dropping out (or is it only a few, all of whom are your daughter's
> friends),
> b). if there is some problem between your daughter and the private teacher
> she's studying with (not every teacher works well with every student, no
> matter how conscientious each of them may be)
> c). whether as an involuntary conscript she's going to make you, the
> teachers and the other kids so miserable they'll all wish she'd leave and
> you want to sell her off.
>
> If she isn't going to make this a battle to the death and she's reasonably
> willing to keep playing essentially to keep you happy, the chances are she
> will over time become attached to it. She will, of course, get only about
as
> much out of it as she puts in, but 7th graders turn into human beings
again
> within a couple of years, and she may be ready by then to put more serious
> effort into it (Peter Pan eventually must grow up in real life).
>
> The one thing I would advise not to do is get into a power struggle over
> this that *seriously* impacts on other aspects of your relationship or, if
> she acts out aggressively at school, comes out in disruptive behavior at
> lessons and rehearsals. The truth is, she has the last practical right to
> refuse, and there isn't in the end much you can do about it if she digs
her
> heels in. Do the best you can to persuade her, hope that she'll make the
> decision you want her to make, and then accept the decision she finally
> makes.
>
> My advice, for what it's worth,
>
> Karl Krelove
>
>
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: Clarinet Chick [mailto:chatchickamy@-----.com]
> > Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2001 6:36 PM
> > To: klarinet@-----.org
> > Subject: Re: [kl] 7th grader wants to quit
> >
> >
> > >Alisa Hixon wrote:
> > >
> > >>I have an 7th grader into the 2nd year of band - She tells me,
> > (after many
> > >>payments, $$ spent & private lessons) she doesn't want to play
> > next year.
> > >>
> > >>I think it is because many of her friends "dropped out"
> > >>after their sixth grade year (which also happens to be their
> > one and only
> > >>year)
> > >>
> > >>In the past I have let her drop out community sports (she's not
> > into being
> > >>a
> > >>athlete).
> > >>
> > >>I have told her that I have invested a lot into this and will
> > NOT let her
> > >>drop out - Will she
> > >>appreciate this in her future or should I just back off?
> > >
> >
> > I think you should force her to continue. I belive now that music
> > is a gift,
> > when I first started clarinet I didn't feel the same. I was annoyed,
> > frusterated, and I wanted to just quit. But my mom forced me to
> > stay in band
> > and I really thank her for doing that today.
> > =imee
> >
> >
>
>
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>

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