Klarinet Archive - Posting 000780.txt from 2001/11

From: "Karl Krelove" <kkrelove@-----.com>
Subj: RE: [kl] 7th grader wants to quit
Date: Wed, 28 Nov 2001 19:12:00 -0500

You will need to gauge for yourself how much she's willing to resist
continuing. If it's only a mild sulk - "NObody else is playing in band next
year..." - it may well be worthwhile to tell her that
a). she hasn't played long enough to know whether she likes it or not,
b). it sounds like she may just have hit a rough spot in the road and that
quitting is not in general a good way to react to these,
c). you've invested a lot of time and money to give her the opportunity to
play, and you expect her to make a real effort before giving up, and
d). if there's some other, stronger reason why she wants to drop out, she
needs to tell you honestly so you can she can talk about it and see if
another solution is possible.

All of that said, you need to try to figure out
a). if there is some reason within the program at school why a lot of kids
are dropping out (or is it only a few, all of whom are your daughter's
friends),
b). if there is some problem between your daughter and the private teacher
she's studying with (not every teacher works well with every student, no
matter how conscientious each of them may be)
c). whether as an involuntary conscript she's going to make you, the
teachers and the other kids so miserable they'll all wish she'd leave and
you want to sell her off.

If she isn't going to make this a battle to the death and she's reasonably
willing to keep playing essentially to keep you happy, the chances are she
will over time become attached to it. She will, of course, get only about as
much out of it as she puts in, but 7th graders turn into human beings again
within a couple of years, and she may be ready by then to put more serious
effort into it (Peter Pan eventually must grow up in real life).

The one thing I would advise not to do is get into a power struggle over
this that *seriously* impacts on other aspects of your relationship or, if
she acts out aggressively at school, comes out in disruptive behavior at
lessons and rehearsals. The truth is, she has the last practical right to
refuse, and there isn't in the end much you can do about it if she digs her
heels in. Do the best you can to persuade her, hope that she'll make the
decision you want her to make, and then accept the decision she finally
makes.

My advice, for what it's worth,

Karl Krelove

> -----Original Message-----
> From: Clarinet Chick [mailto:chatchickamy@-----.com]
> Sent: Wednesday, November 28, 2001 6:36 PM
> To: klarinet@-----.org
> Subject: Re: [kl] 7th grader wants to quit
>
>
> >Alisa Hixon wrote:
> >
> >>I have an 7th grader into the 2nd year of band - She tells me,
> (after many
> >>payments, $$ spent & private lessons) she doesn't want to play
> next year.
> >>
> >>I think it is because many of her friends "dropped out"
> >>after their sixth grade year (which also happens to be their
> one and only
> >>year)
> >>
> >>In the past I have let her drop out community sports (she's not
> into being
> >>a
> >>athlete).
> >>
> >>I have told her that I have invested a lot into this and will
> NOT let her
> >>drop out - Will she
> >>appreciate this in her future or should I just back off?
> >
>
> I think you should force her to continue. I belive now that music
> is a gift,
> when I first started clarinet I didn't feel the same. I was annoyed,
> frusterated, and I wanted to just quit. But my mom forced me to
> stay in band
> and I really thank her for doing that today.
> =imee
>
>

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