Klarinet Archive - Posting 000146.txt from 2001/10

From: Bilwright@-----.net (William Wright)
Subj: [kl] Where does the 'energy' come from? (was: quotes and other stuff)
Date: Sat, 6 Oct 2001 19:27:00 -0400

It has occurred to me that posting to a list is intermediate between
talking with total strangers and talking with intimate friends --- and
this may account (in large part, albeit not completely) for how badly
the conversation can go astray sometimes.

Extreme #1: One person says something that irritates the other to the
max, but the relationship is so important to one of them (or both) that
one of them (or both) decide to either 'swallow their anger' or 'agree
to disagree'. The problem may not be resolved, but the relationship
continues.

Extreme 2: Two people fall into a fierce argument, but they are total
strangers who met by chance, and one of them (or both) just shrugs their
shoulders and finds better company elsewhere. That is, a relationship
never began in the first place.

In between these two extremes are relationships such as this list.
People gather on lists because they are interested in a particular topic
and they feel a sense of community with others who are also interested.
In this situation, there _is_ something at stake, but the feeling of
total intimacy which must be protected at any cost does not exist.

It is this 'in between' ground where the displays of anger and attacks
and emotional distress are the most severe.

It seems contradictory that the worst damage and distress can arise from
situations where nothing 'ultimate' is at stake, but perhaps that's the
way the world works? There's something at stake, but not enough to
justify making a sacrifice in order to preserve the relationship.

Keeping terrorism in mind (World Trade Center, etc): I wonder if
Klarinet serves as a model for terrorism --- in the sense that the
participants are emotionally unable to walk away (as in "You worshp your
deity and you govern your country, and I'll do the same in mine"), and
they are also unable to make large sacrifices in order to preserve a
relationship. The energy for conflict comes from the fact that
something -is- at stake (oil, territory, political power, whatever), but
the stakes are not of ultimate importance, and so this is the arena
where the most damage is done and the worst suffering occurs.

....way off topic, sorry.....

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