Klarinet Archive - Posting 000079.txt from 2001/06

From: "Deb B" <canbobfixit@-----.com>
Subj: Re: [kl] The guru and the internet
Date: Sat, 2 Jun 2001 17:33:33 -0400

On a lighter note, I'm sure you've all hheard these before, but they always
sound good when you're at home on a saturday night, with a glass of
wine.....or two!!:

What's the definition of a nerd ?
>Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.
>
>How do you make a chainsaw sound like a baritone sax ? Add vibrato.
>
>How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb ? Five : One
>to hold the bulb and the other four to tell him how they could
have done it better.
>
>How do you make a trombone sound like a French horn ? Stick your hand in
>the bell and play all the wrong notes.
>
>What's the range of a tuba ? About 20 yards if you have a good arm.
>
>What does a timpanist say when they get to work ? "Would you like fries
>with that ?"
>
>How long does a harp stay in tune ? About 20 minutes or until someone opens
>the door.
>
>Why are violinists fingers like lightening ? Because they never strike the
>same spot twice.
>
>How can you tell if a violin is out of tune ? The bow is moving.
>
>How can you make a violin sound like a viola ? Sit in the back and don't
>play.
>
>What's the difference between a violist and a dog ? The dog knows when to
>stop scratching.
>
>What's the difference between a cello and a viola ? The cello burns longer.
>
>How do you make a cello sound beautiful ? Sell it and buy a violin.
>
>How can you tell when a soprano is at your door ? She can't find the key ,
>and doesn't know when to come in.
>
>How many altos does it take to change a light bulb ? They can't get high
>enough.
>
>Why do bagpipers walk when they play ? To get away from the sound.
>
>How many sound men does it take to change a light bulb ? 1,2,3 1,2,3
>
>What's the definition of an optimist ? An accordion player with a pager.
>
>Why did the chicken cross the road ? To get away from the bassoon recital .
>
>

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