Klarinet Archive - Posting 000474.txt from 2001/03

From: CassildaYhtill@-----.com
Subj: [kl] band rivals ::the real truth about Lauryn's situation::
Date: Sun, 18 Mar 2001 18:21:33 -0500

Lauryn writes,
>At the beginning of the year I was actually friends
with this girl.
{snip}
>I found out (from her, this wasn't a rumor) that she was
cutting herself. [snip]... and she has since then stopped
cutting herself, or using alcohol/drugs.
[snip]
>She started hanging out w/ this girl who hasn't liked me
>since the day that I met her and therefor [name snipped] started
>not to like me. It has now gotten to a point where I am so
>scared of them I am contemplating on whether or not to
>carry a blade. It's not like I would ever use it, I just would
>feel so much better if I had it. The other day it was me and
>just them all around me in a circle. I've never been that scared
>in my life. Now, I really doubt that they would ever hurt me
>physically in any way whatsoever...
[snip]

Sorry for being off topic but this is serious and not just some band rivalry.
I thought this was just a typical cat fight from the earlier messages but it
only goes to show how much we don't know from an e-mail alone.

First off, please go straight to your parents or whatever adult you are
closest to and you *tell them everything* and I do mean *everything* you said
here. Then tell them *the rest of it* that you didn't tell us, because I'm
sure there is more than you would put in a public e- mail. Decide who you
trust most and spill it all to them.

We would like to help you but we aren;t there. You need to get the adults
involved who are on the scene. This situation is more than a student can
handle alone. It is the adult job to make sure school is safe. Remember
what happened at Columbine and that Santana in California, plus other places.
Those kids were giving off 100 decibel signals something was majorly wrong
but nobody was saying anything to authorities until it was too late. So when
you feel scared of someone and you have the feeling you are not safe around
them or they are bullying you, go talk to the adults, your parents, your
school counsellor, a teacher, go to your clergy, anyone you trust and keep
going until you find someone who listens.

This girl bothering you had bad problems when she was cutting herself and
doing drugs. It sounds like she still has serious problems from her
behavior. That makes it all the better that you gave the name of your
teacher. Good thing she is in music, and I hope she does follow up and go to
take lessons from your teacher, because the more she is wrapped up in music
the less time she has got on her hands to get with this negative stuff. My
advice about her is stay away from her as much as possible. When you are in
band together, don't disrespect her even if she deserve it. Also, using her
name in public like you did here, could just make matters worse. (Maybe she
is reading this list!) So please be careful about that and respect her right
to privacy. But with the adults in your private life, please do not keep
quiet about this!

Now another thing, if you carry a blade without meaning to use it, and if you
don't know *how* to use it like an expert (which is not something you can
learn in a weekend), then you are most likely the one going to get hurt with
it. Either when someone takes it away and uses it on you or when an adult
catches you with it and you get suspended or expelled from school. What if
you get cornered by these girls and you panic and you do pull that out and
cut somebody? You want that on your conscience the rest of your life?
Believe me it can happen. Not too many kids who hurt or kill someone set out
meaning to do it. In the heat of things it just happens so fast nobody has
time to think it through.

Weapons have a way of getting used. No weapon, probably nothing but talk
will happen. But pull out that blade and next thing you know everybody got
the adrenaline going, fight or flight response kicks in. Before you know it
they gang up, one shove you on the wall, the other one grab the weapon away
and what might have been a slanging, a slap in the face or a fistfight, now
is an armed fight with serious injuries or death and criminal charges on you
if you supply a weapon! From simple assault and battery charges (fistfight)
it could go to carrying concealed, murder or attempted murder, assault with
deadly weapon, etc.. You are old enough to be tried as an adult. Think about
that. Meanwhile maybe they up the ante, one of them goes home for the
hammer. What you need now is calming tactics for her, not antagonizing
tactics. The best way to protect yourself from getting hurt with a weapon is
*don't ever carry one* and keep away from anyone who would carry one. You
think they might be carrying? TELL ADULTS!! My 2 cents.

Cass Hill

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