Klarinet Archive - Posting 000388.txt from 2001/03

From: CassildaYhtill@-----.com
Subj: [kl] Re: band rivalry
Date: Thu, 15 Mar 2001 10:16:38 -0500

Dee Hays wrote,
>I think you did fine. There's no rule anywhere
> that says that you have to like or be friends with
>the entire world. Even the Golden Rule merely
>says "Do unto others as you would have them do
>unto you." No requirement to be friends there
>just a guide to be moral and ethical in your dealings.

I agree with Dee that you did the right thing. It would have looked petty if
you refused to give up the information about your teacher. Anyway, she could
have found out in spite of you, so refusing would have made you look mean
without getting you anywhere. So you handled it fine, IMHO.

Okay, enough moral advice and let's talk about strategy! My Golden Rule is
"Love thine enemies. It drives them nuts." Seriously. You can probably
assume you won't be able to change this rival girl. She is what she is.
You're stuck with her. But remember she's stuck with herself, too (poor kid)
so if you be nice and gracious, and instead of being nice in return, she act
like a snotty Queen Bee (which she probably will from the way things sound),
then she only has herself to blame if she look bad. She will have nothing to
complain against you and people will be wondering what is her problem.

I agree with Dee that being civil doesn't mean you have to try to be best
buddies with someone, if you think she would do you the way Lucy does Charlie
Brown with the football, inviting him and then yanking it out from under him
so he goes tumbling. If I were you I would be polite about it and smile
nicely, but keep some distance from that girl and watch your back.

But remember that you are not alone. Other people will notice what's going
on. People are naturally nosy and they like nothing better than to watch a
rivalry. (Look how many of us jumped on this topic!) So you don't have to
point out a thing to anybody. You look better if you take the high road and
pretend you don't even notice if she act like a fool.

When she is talking about you and pointing to make sure you can tell she is
talking about you, she is acting immature. She sounds manipulative but she
is clumsy about it. You played it smart not to lower yourself to the same
level. It's been known to happen that if a band director has a choice of two
players who both play well enough so that skill level is a toss up, then the
one who is a better *team player* with leadership skills, the one who can get
along with people will get first chair. If I was the teacher, that girl
gossiping and pointing would make a really bad impression on me. No doubt
you're winning that part of the contest right now, so just keep practicing
hard and hang in there!

If she's going to get your principal chair away from you, just make sure she
has to do it fair and square with clarinet skills, not with some tacky game
she's playing. Forget how she plays (since there's nothing you can do about
it, so why waste time worrying) and work on how *you* play (because you *can*
do something about that!). So be strong and make her beat you *if* she can,
don't let her con you into beating yourself with this little psych-out job of
hers.

Good luck!
Cass Hill

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