Klarinet Archive - Posting 000736.txt from 2000/12

From: rgarrett@-----.edu
Subj: RE: [kl] Difficult People (was Roger Speaks)
Date: Wed, 13 Dec 2000 23:37:44 -0500

Naw - that's not what I meant at all. I have lots of problems : 0 )

But - as I stated in a message awhile back - people need to recognize if
they have issues to deal with. Those who do not are the ones I think the
book labels. I don't think there is a person on the face of the planet who
doesn't have problems - but the person who denies those problems while
continuing on has worse problems!

So you understand my intent - I was simply trying to present an answer for
Tony Wakefield - that I thought was humorous and interesting. I'm sorry if
it was neither for you Michael!

Merry Christmas!

Sincerely,
Roger Garrett

At 07:21 AM 12/14/00 +1100, you wrote:

>He may not have intended it, but the strong underlying message in RG's post
>is that he is okay! - above reproach.
>
>It's the other guy who is/has the problem.
>
>Now that's a worry.
>
>Michael
>
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: rgarrett@-----.edu]
>Sent: Thursday, 14 December 2000 6:44 AM
>To: klarinet@-----.org
>Subject: Re: [kl] Difficult People (was Roger Speaks)
>
>
>At 06:46 PM 12/13/2000 +0000, you wrote:
> >Another one-liner? What did it say? - you must tell us - please!
> ><And> who wrote it - - - -
>
>
>My response is long (although not as long as others on the list!!)......so
>delete if you don't want to read it or are not interested.
>
>The one-liner said:
>
>"What a silly man you are."
>
>Today, while cleaning house in preparation for parents arriving, Christmas,
>etc., I ran across a book I had purchased back in the early '90s entitled,
>"Coping with Difficult People" by Robert M. Bramson, Ph.D. Ten years ago I
>worked with a colleague in my university who was very difficult to get
>along with (he has since left thankfully!!!). I saw the book and hoped to
>find some answers. In it there are several descriptors that are helpful in
>labeling people who always seem to cause trouble for others. The book is
>very interesting - and lots of fun to read - especially the part where the
>author suggests a person can be labeled with two or more of these
>descriptors. Of course, then the author suggests ways to deal with people
>as labeled by one or more descriptors. One of the descriptors is called
>the "Bulldozer," characterized by a know-it-all approach, and another was
>called the "Sniper." Here are a few excerpts:
>
>"Bulldozers have in common with nondifficult people a strong sense that the
>accumulation and ordering of facts and knowledge can provide stability in a
>relatively whimsical world. Because Bulldozers believe that most of the
>power to affect their own lives resides in them, they tend to see the ideas
>and formulations of others as irrelevant to their own purposes. The
>"know-it-all" quality that seemed appropriate and equated with strength in
>their parents has become associated with both superiority and certainty of
>knowledge. The know-it-all wants you to recognize he knows everything
>there is to know about anything worth knowing. There is a tone of absolute
>certainty, of sureness beyond mortal doubt, that, often without conscious
>intent, leaves others feeling like objects of condescension. Most
>frustrating of all is that these insufferable paragons of logic often turn
>out to be absolutely right. Thus, they often leave others feeling inept,
>confused, or stupid. Bulldozers not only make [others] feel resentful,
>they also often elicit resistant, self-defeating behavior from them.
>Bulldozers leave little room for anyone's judgements, creativity, or
>resourcefulness. When things go wrong, Bulldozers often see the fault as
>lying with those incompetents (like you and me) who were responsible for
>things going wrong. Not all experts are Know-It-Alls. Experts are people
>who know a great deal about a particular topic and can use that knowledge
>to solve practical problems. They are often people of impressive humility."
>
>"Snipers do not come crashing down on you. They maintain a cover, if often
>thin or transparent, from behind which they take pot shots at you. Their
>weapons are hidden in snowballs: innuendos, sotto voce remarks,
>not-too-subtle digs, nonplayful teasing, and the like. The chosen
>recipients are struck by well-placed verbal missiles, high-powered enough
>to hurt. but the attack is accompanied by other signals that say, 'Pretend
>that what I'm doing is nice or neutral, or that you don't even hear
>me.' Snipers have a very strong sense of how others ought to think and
>act. They often have firm views of what can be done to solve the problems
>that interfere with their own personal goals [or others]. However, since
>their 'I'm superior' orientation tends to interfere with seeing things from
>others' perspectives, what snipers expect from [others] is often
>unrealistic."
>
>Now, Mr. Wakefield, who do YOU think wrote the one liner???
>
>This post was respectfully submitted by "The Silly Man" - an honorary
>member of S.C.A.M.P. (those of you who are also members know what that is).
>
>LOLROF. It's snowing today - I really love a good snow storm!
>
>Best wishes,
>Roger Garrett
>
>Roger Garrett
>Professor of Clarinet
>Director, Symphonic Winds
>Advisor, IWU Recording Services
>Illinois Wesleyan University
>School of Music
>Bloomington, IL 61702-2900
>Phone: (309) 556-3268
>Fax: (309) 556-3121
>
>
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Roger Garrett
Assistant Professor of Clarinet
Director, Symphonic Winds
Head, Recording Studio
Illinois Wesleyan University
School of Music
Bloomington, IL 61702-2900
(309) 556-3268

"A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes
another's."
Jean Paul Richter (1763-1825)

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