Klarinet Archive - Posting 000729.txt from 2000/12
From: rgarrett@-----.edu
Subj: Re: [kl] Difficult People (was Roger Speaks)
Date: Wed, 13 Dec 2000 23:37:37 -0500
At 06:46 PM 12/13/2000 +0000, you wrote:
>Another one-liner? What did it say? - you must tell us - please!
><And> who wrote it - - - -
My response is long (although not as long as others on the list!!)......so
delete if you don't want to read it or are not interested.
The one-liner said:
"What a silly man you are."
Today, while cleaning house in preparation for parents arriving, Christmas,
etc., I ran across a book I had purchased back in the early '90s entitled,
"Coping with Difficult People" by Robert M. Bramson, Ph.D. Ten years ago I
worked with a colleague in my university who was very difficult to get
along with (he has since left thankfully!!!). I saw the book and hoped to
find some answers. In it there are several descriptors that are helpful in
labeling people who always seem to cause trouble for others. The book is
very interesting - and lots of fun to read - especially the part where the
author suggests a person can be labeled with two or more of these
descriptors. Of course, then the author suggests ways to deal with people
as labeled by one or more descriptors. One of the descriptors is called
the "Bulldozer," characterized by a know-it-all approach, and another was
called the "Sniper." Here are a few excerpts:
"Bulldozers have in common with nondifficult people a strong sense that the
accumulation and ordering of facts and knowledge can provide stability in a
relatively whimsical world. Because Bulldozers believe that most of the
power to affect their own lives resides in them, they tend to see the ideas
and formulations of others as irrelevant to their own purposes. The
"know-it-all" quality that seemed appropriate and equated with strength in
their parents has become associated with both superiority and certainty of
knowledge. The know-it-all wants you to recognize he knows everything
there is to know about anything worth knowing. There is a tone of absolute
certainty, of sureness beyond mortal doubt, that, often without conscious
intent, leaves others feeling like objects of condescension. Most
frustrating of all is that these insufferable paragons of logic often turn
out to be absolutely right. Thus, they often leave others feeling inept,
confused, or stupid. Bulldozers not only make [others] feel resentful,
they also often elicit resistant, self-defeating behavior from them.
Bulldozers leave little room for anyone's judgements, creativity, or
resourcefulness. When things go wrong, Bulldozers often see the fault as
lying with those incompetents (like you and me) who were responsible for
things going wrong. Not all experts are Know-It-Alls. Experts are people
who know a great deal about a particular topic and can use that knowledge
to solve practical problems. They are often people of impressive humility."
"Snipers do not come crashing down on you. They maintain a cover, if often
thin or transparent, from behind which they take pot shots at you. Their
weapons are hidden in snowballs: innuendos, sotto voce remarks,
not-too-subtle digs, nonplayful teasing, and the like. The chosen
recipients are struck by well-placed verbal missiles, high-powered enough
to hurt. but the attack is accompanied by other signals that say, 'Pretend
that what I'm doing is nice or neutral, or that you don't even hear
me.' Snipers have a very strong sense of how others ought to think and
act. They often have firm views of what can be done to solve the problems
that interfere with their own personal goals [or others]. However, since
their 'I'm superior' orientation tends to interfere with seeing things from
others' perspectives, what snipers expect from [others] is often unrealistic."
Now, Mr. Wakefield, who do YOU think wrote the one liner???
This post was respectfully submitted by "The Silly Man" - an honorary
member of S.C.A.M.P. (those of you who are also members know what that is).
LOLROF. It's snowing today - I really love a good snow storm!
Best wishes,
Roger Garrett
Roger Garrett
Professor of Clarinet
Director, Symphonic Winds
Advisor, IWU Recording Services
Illinois Wesleyan University
School of Music
Bloomington, IL 61702-2900
Phone: (309) 556-3268
Fax: (309) 556-3121
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