Klarinet Archive - Posting 000139.txt from 2000/12

From: "Tony Wakefield" <tony-wakefield@-----.net>
Subj: [kl] Fie, Fie, (sorry - only a little early clarinet content).
Date: Sun, 3 Dec 2000 06:31:01 -0500

Golly, gosh! I`m quaking from hair (if I had some) to the very soles of my
feet.
You`ve been at your `puter composing <that> little lot for most of the
weekend I shouldn`t wonder.
I don`t have that much time, or intellect to reply as deserving a reply as
is warranted, as I`m off for a sprightly and sunny walk down my English lane
to my "local" for a good old pint of English ale and an English curry, with
my English wife who is a connoisseur of Germanic Liebfraumilch, (damn, said
the English serf, I let the side down and mentioned the Euro).(What will the
American Scot think of me now). I must weave a similar banner in Chinese
silk, (damn it again). Will my English dialect, grammar and punctuation be
enough, (me thinks) to ward off the invader. "I must concentrate the mind",
he says, bending down to grasp some English soil, before rubbing it
(Gladiator style) into his palms. As the chalumeau (plural - sod the
apostrophe in <that> word) march into the thick of splaying blades of bloody
flesh severing limbs, let battle commence.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

----- Original Message -----
From: "Gary Truesdail" <gir@-----.net>
Subject: Re: [kl] War of the Tony`s

> Fie, Fie you lowly brethren, for you know not of what you speak. You are
> spewing forth words of war. Is this a challenge?
> Your mention of Rogues and vagabonds hiding in the darkest alleys bring
only
> feelings of excitement as they would once again offer the opportunity to
> demonstrate, as we did in the past, the superiority of the Scots in
matters of
> the battlefield, mathematical logic, historical perspective, culinary
> creativity, and our immense well pool of patience with those of lesser
> capacities. I this comes to pass your hauberk will provide you no
assistance
> in a joust or in battle. Your helm, constructed by the most intelligent of
your
> lot, will be without portals and your bucklers made of paper. Your
vagabonds
> shall be the evening meals of our hounds in our banquet halls.. Your
rogues
> will be quaking so strongly in their boots that the hand stitching of the
> cobbler whom they so cleverly cheat from his rightfully due merks, will
fail to
> perform under such stress, and they will, as should all Brits except Ian,
be
> barefoot in the alleyways, full of grog and begging for the aid of a
link-boy to
> assist them to the rear stoop of their choice for the evening sleep, all
the
> time dancing the two step at every utterance of "Gardy Loo". Whilst these
men,
> the best of your lot, discovering their bottle had gone dry, partake of
heated
> discussions regarding the effects of compressionary forces upon arundo
donax,
> the Grahams will be restoring sensibility to your land by rule of the
Broad
> Sword and mace. It would be a disappointment to us to do such a thing as
we
> Scots are not prone to showing off nor are we braggarts. But be it
necessary we
> will not hesitate to provide reminders to those who have forgotten they
are
> here today only through the graces of the Clan Graham, Clan Lockhart, and
Clan
> Campbell.
>
> All people of the so called "Mother Land" (only the Brits call their home
land
> the 'Mother Land", we expatriots don't call it anything for it has been
equated
> with what computer folks know as a 'Null"), know of the Grahams of
Mentieth,
> Grahams of Montrose for it was they, the majority of the men in the
decisive
> battle between the Scots and Brits that won the battle and could have had
The
> rest of Engelanderin under their rule. Out of the kindness of their
hearts they
> turned away and went back home. Had they stayed your countrymen would now
be
> eating pasties and haggis and dancing to the pipes. When I visit your
land, is
> anyone of kinsmen law a glove upon a member of my party I shall have you
thrown
> in shackles, fitted with thumbeikins, and taken to Moothill at our family
home,
> Mugdock Castle, on the banks of Mugdock Loch a short distance from Glasgow
>
> However, if you should, by any chance, give serious and logical thought to
the
> reasons why the more intelligent folk of your land several hundred years
ago
> left the shores of what you obviously think is the center of the universe,
you
> will come to realize that they were right and that when they departed your
> country was then left with an inferior gene pool from which to rebuild an
> imaginary empire. Only a few of your countrymen, Tony Pay, for one, were
able
> to rise above the multitudes and once again provide your country with a
person
> that was capable of conversing in an intelligent manner with the rest of
the
> world.
>
> As for your comment about the flag waving peasants; If you ever be
unfortunate
> enough to require a visit from us we will not be waving flags. We will be
> waving banners attached to the sharp end of a lance held in one hand and
an
> impervious shield bearing the Graham Crest in the other. Upon seeing our
Crest
> your eyes will instantly be the most intelligent part of your body and
will
> inform you the The Grahams are not to be messed with.
>
> Loved your comments, Tony, keep it up. It is more fun than that other
war.
>
> GaryT
>
>
>
> Tony Wakefield wrote:
>
> > If our "global geography" hadn`t been quite so important Gary, you might
> > indeed now be apostrophising in a Little old English village somewhere
in
> > the Cotswolds, or on Exmoor, or even in the Highlands of Scotland.
> > Maybe you could have an ancient seat in the Hills and "Dales"?
surrounding
> > the City of York, waiting for it`s 32nd Earl to establish a "home
coming" of
> > immense nostalgia, and emotional hysteria, for the flag waving peasants
> > lining the cobbled streets in their multitude.
> > A word of warning tho`. Be on your guard if you enter the City of
Oxford.
> > Rogues and vagabonds hide in the
> > darkest alleys. They will cut you to ribbons, and rip out your entrails
if
> > you so much as look at one.
> > Delete this quickly, lest one of them return suddenly from a long
crusade.
> >
> > ----- Original Message -----
> > From: "Gary Truesdail"
> > > Uh, oh. Now the secret is out. You have now told the world the real
> > reason
> > > the US colonists left England and felt strongly enough to have a war
over
> > it.
> > > The Brits spent too much time sorting out global geography and not
enough
> > time
> > > sorting out the rules for their own language.

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