Klarinet Archive - Posting 000901.txt from 2000/11

From: "Trish Mendenhall" <trishm@-----.com>
Subj: RE: [kl] klarinet Digest 27 Nov 2000 21:15:00 -0000 Issue 2713
Date: Tue, 28 Nov 2000 16:26:18 -0500

Very well put, Leila!
I (mostly) lurk on this list, but I've found much that is informative or
thought-provoking in threads where each of the Tonys have participated -
I've learned much about different perspectives on the art and the skill of
clarinet playing. I've also seen threads which get out of control and
become flame-fests from both of them. At that point, my delete key works
very well, and it's one reason why I get this list as individual messages
instead of a digest - it's much easier to delete messages which don't
interest you or annoy you, without getting in the way of communication which
may be important to someone else on the list. That said, I'd rather not see
personal attacks at all.

Leila mentioned "sleep[ing] on it" before hitting the send button, which I
fully agree with. What works for me is to type the flame, say whatever it is
you want to say, BUT DON'T HIT THE SEND BUTTON. Save it as a draft, and
walk away from it for a while, till the "heat of battle" wears off
(sometimes a few minutes, sometimes a day, depending!). Then come back and
re-read what you wrote. In many cases, you may find that you don't want to
send it at all. In other cases, it may be more appropriate to send it to
the individual, not the whole list. And in some cases, you may find that in
between the flames, you had something to say that eloquently makes your
point - we often do best express ourselves in the midst of strong emotions.
Edit the message to take out the flames and send it along.

Net result - you got the chance to frantically type and get the emotions out
without offending other members of the list, and in many cases without
inciting a flame war. You may also find that in the process, you've said
something important that was worth sharing, which people will notice far
better if it's not surrounded by vitrolic invective.

Trish

+-----Original Message-----

+In sum -- I'm not in favor of Mark kicking out *either* of the Tonys.
+
+Lelia
+(hedging against the time when I'm sure to say something so
+awful that people
+scream for Mark to toss *me* out...)
+
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