Klarinet Archive - Posting 000759.txt from 2000/11

From: Audrey Travis <vsofan@-----.com>
Subj: [kl] Well, Clarinetists Need To Shop Too...
Date: Thu, 23 Nov 2000 19:50:50 -0500

I *know* this is a clarinet list, but this was too good not to share.
Besides, maybe number 5 is relevant..., or all of these are relevant if
you forgot to bring your clarinet with you to practice at the front of
the store? Enjoy!
Audrey

Subject: Christmas Shopping

Things to do at Wal-Mart while the wife is taking
her sweet time Christmas shopping....

1.Get boxes of condoms & randomly put them in
peoples carts when they are not looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10minute
intervals.

3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to
the restroom.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an
official tone "I think we have a code 3 in house
wares," and see what happens.

5. Turn all the radios to a polka station, then
turn them all off and turn the volumes to 10.

6. Move "CAUTION-WET FLOOR" signs to carpet areas.

7 . Set up a tent in the camping departments; tell
others you'll only invite them if they bring pillows
from the bedding department.

8. When someone asks if they can help you, begin
to cry and ask "Why won't you people leave me alone"

9. Look right into the security camera and use it
as a mirror while you pick your nose.

10. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up
a full scale battlefield with G.I.Joes and X-Men.

11. Ask other customers if they have any Grey
Poupon.

12. While handling guns in the hunting department
ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants
are.

13. Switch signs on the men and women's bathrooms.

14. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign out front.

15. In the auto department practice your Madonna
look using different size funnels.

16. Hide in the clothing rack and when people
browse through say "PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!"

17. When announcement comes over the loud speaker
assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's
those voices again!!!!"

18. Go to the food court, get a soft drink, tell
them you don't get out much and would they put one of
those little umbrellas in it.

19. Go into the fitting room and yell real
loud....."Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"

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