Klarinet Archive - Posting 000217.txt from 2000/10

From: alevin@-----. Levin)
Subj: Re: [kl] The audience acted like a pack of animals....
Date: Wed, 4 Oct 2000 19:14:01 -0400

Do you know what Peggy Sue (my border collie) calls cats? Snack food!

At 12:30 PM 9/30/00 EDT, you wrote:
>
>Patricia Smith wrote:
>>> >I have never had a metronome I could pet.
>
>Kenneth Wolman wrote,
>>>...and hopefully you have never thrown a dog at the wall!
>
>Willie wrote,
>> I did come very close too throwing my cat at the wall after I caught him
>>laying a surprise "Easter egg" in my sax case!
>
>Uh-oh, I hope Shadow Cat doesn't read this thread.... That's the one thing
>she's never tried. In fact, I've never known her to "miss" the litter box,
>no matter what the provocation. Although I think the Eb is a bit more than
>averagely provoking.
>
>Lelia
>
>-------------------------------
>
>Date: Sat, 30 Sep 2000 00:13:13 -0666
>To: <klarinet@-----.org>
>From: LeliaLoban@-----.com (Shadow Cat)
>Subject: Re: [kl] The audience acted like a pack of animals....
>Message-ID: 13shadowyforces13.666
>
>I'm making my stupid pet human type this. The ultimate sanction.... I have
>considered it, oh yes, indeed. Don't think I haven't. It is difficult to
>lower oneself to this extent to make a point, but perhaps, yes perhaps it
>must be done....
>
>That little bitty squalling eefer has wrought a great evil hereabouts, for
in
>the wake of the G*rb*g*e Tr*ck Demon earlier this week came a harpy, never
>before seen in this neighborhood: a turkey vulture of enormous size!
>Downtown! One block from the main thoroughfare! She had the brazen gall to
>squat right in the middle of the street in front of MY HOUSE and messily
>gobble at the remains of Nutster Squirrel, who had gone squirrely in the
>middle of the road as squirrels will do in the fall. He had attempted to
>race a c*r (really not an intelligent idea, but then what do you expect from
>a rat with a fancy tail?) with the usual result. But really, first a rat
and
>now a vulture! I ask you! There goes the neighborhood! We can expect more
>invasions of squalid riffraff if the fool woman goes on attracting *that
>sort* here by hooting on these screech sticks. The lower orders home right
>in on the noise. What's next? Cat-eating alligators in the drainage ditch
>down the hill?
>
>Shadow Cat
>
>--------------------------------
>
>Date: Sat, 30 Sep 2000 00:15:15 -0015
>To: <klarinet@-----.org>
>From: LeliaLoban@-----.)
>Subject: Re: [kl] The audience acted like a pack of animals....
>Message-ID: 15.33.24cawcawcaw42.33.51
>
>This is to inform Shadow Cat and the rest of you on behalf of the Grand Caw
>of the Law that no Formal Petition has been brought to me regarding Screech
>Sticks. I cannot act without a Formal Petition presented, in chorus, by a
>flock of at least seven, all of whom must have wings and *not* walk on all
>fours. However, the matter of last Tuesday's Unauthorized Intruder, to wit
>twit twit twit: a Female Turkey Vulture, has been brought to the official
>attention of the High Council of Crowdom. We have nattered the matter, at
>length, at great length, at lengthy length, in a Plenary Session of the
Grand
>Caw in Black Walnut II. We have held a Trial, and we have found, with the
>woodpeckers, mockingbirds, blue jays and swallows and others all present on
>branches, in hollows and down in the wallows, as follows:
>
>1. That this City is not zoned for Buzzardry;
>2. That no Vultching is permitted within City Limits;
>3. That all Local Carrion is the Sole Property of Local Scavengers; and
>4. That the Intruder, to wit twit twit a Female Turkey Vulture, must not
>flap wing, clutch claw, shriek beak or do any Rending, Tearing, Consuming or
>that Indecent Activity colloquially known as "Car-Bombing" within City
Limits.
>
>At the slackening of the rain, we adjourned the Grand Caw from Black Walnut
>II and re- convened it at the site of the Infraction, where we did assemble
>en masse and did inform the Intruder, to wit twit twit twit: One Female
>Turkey Vulture, that she was Guilty Guilty Guilty. We ordered her to Cease
>and Desist in these Unlawful Activities and Comply with the Law of the Caw,
>with the Caw of the Law, with the Lawful Cawing of the Caw's Law, at once,
>without delay, without evasion, in the specified manner, without deviation,
>immediately and forthwith:
>
>"Raise your wattles, hit the throttles, sister, or we'll peck you to a
>bleeding blister! Out, get out, get out out out, get out, get out, go go go
>GO go go awaaaaaaay!!!!
>
>"Get ugly droopy draggy dusty fusty feathers out, oh out!
>
>"Get out with all your flail feathers, tail feathers, get them OUT, get OUT
>OUT OUT and never *ever* caw caw caw caw caw caw caw-come back!!!!!"
>
>We flew, swarmed, ssssseeeeethed around her, whilst screaming this
Corrective
>Directive in intricate counterpoint thrice times three, nine times nine and
>81 times 81, and we then harried her forth, forthwith, forwards. At the
City
>Limits, we were met by representatives of the County Unkindness of Ravens,
>led, as ever, by Edgar Nevermore, whose Ravens readily resolved to reinforce
>our resolutions resolutely. Therefore, they croakingly repeated our
>reproachful rebuke, with further reproving reprimands of their own most wise
>devising, as they escorted the Intruder, to wit twit twit twit: one Female
>Turkey Vulture, forth from havens of high culture, back to farmlands whence
>she came, in the rain, may it flow down the drain, may she not come again.
>And thus is the matter exposed and deposed, and thus does it repose.
>
>Yours in all harshness,
>Cacadawpawless Crow, Attorney at Caw
>
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