Klarinet Archive - Posting 000978.txt from 2000/09

From: "Tony Wakefield" <tony-wakefield@-----.net>
Subj: Re: [kl] Silly things with Clarinets
Date: Sat, 30 Sep 2000 07:34:11 -0400

Very enjoyable contribution from kjf. I suppose this "silly" aspect of
composition/performance has always been in place to some degree. The
principal violinist in Saint Saens "Danse Macabre" has to detune for a
couple of short solos, to name but one example. But that is quite recent.
Did Wagner _actually_(?) invent the Wagner tuba? Not quite the same sort of
thing, but better than trying to make a horn sound like a _tuba quasi horn_
or
even a _horn quasi tuber_ The "sub-tone" on clarinet/sax has always foxed
me. What is it supposed to sound like? To me, it has always sounded like a
clarinet/sax playing pianissimo - - - -. Does anyone remember Roland Kirk,
who used to insert 3 saxophone mouthpieces into his facial orifice all at
the same time. All 3 of them connected to 3 saxophones, from which he used
to extract 3 part harmonies. I must try that some day with a couple of Bb`s
and an A liquorice sticks. Just don`t ask me to retain my curry inside _my_
mouth after you have ecstatically enthused of my performance, and invited me
to dinner afterwards.
Tony Akeface (alias Wakefield)

> Tony Wakefield asked:
>
> <<<I would think that there have been thousands upon thousands of
occasions
> when players have had to explain to a composer that a certain passage is
in
> fact impossible to play. . . . I wonder has anyone come across some hugely
> "ridiculous" piece of writing, including having to use strange gadgets,
and
> would they be prepared to share this with the list. Without mentioning
> names, what were the circumstances, and what was the outcome?>>>
>
> That would be me.
>
> My orchestra plays a great deal of new music (about a third of the music
> programmed is a world premier). Over the years, we've played some really
> good stuff. Other stuff, well, not so good.
>
> I've been asked to do some interesting things, like
>
> -- rub a tone out of a tuned champagne glass. (Unfortunately, no
> champagne).
>
> -- remove the mouthpiece, and buzz into the barrel as if a brass
mouthpiece.
>
> -- remove the mouthpiece, and play it sans clarinet.
>
> -- click keys. (This composer complained that the key clicks on my
clarinet
> were not loud enough; could I please make it louder?)
>
> -- same composer -- asked me to strike the bell of my clarinet with a
> drumstick. (I did not.)
>
> In one piece, the clarinet solo was just unplayable; it was obviously
> composed by striking two index fingers at random at a keyboard. Random
> hemi-demi-semiquavers, multiple registers, all staccato. The composer
must
> have been jilted by a clarinet player, because it was just painful to try
> and play. I brought it to the attention of the composer (a local
university
> professor), pointing out that clarinets "just can't do that," hoping that
> she would be willing to rewrite the thing in a playable fashion. Her
> response was that I should practice -- her little book stated that
clarinets
> could play within this range, and she couldn't see why these notes would
be
> so hard.
>
> . . . I bet it sounded great on her computer.
>
> We have tried to get the conductor to adopt a policy of playing only works
> by dead composers. They don't have to be dead very long, mind you, just
> dead enough not to skulk around in rehearsal snorting at the musicians.
> When programmed works by live ones, we've offered to enforce the policy,
> too.
>
> kjf

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