Klarinet Archive - Posting 000176.txt from 2000/08

From: Audrey Travis <vsofan@-----.com>
Subj: [kl] Da Blues, Man!
Date: Tue, 8 Aug 2000 19:29:02 -0400

A friend of mine just sent me this, and though it's not directly
clarinet related, I just have to share this with you. Klezmer types
can probably relate....

Here are some tips for any of you pursuing a career in the blues-music
world:

1. Many blues begin with "Woke up this mornin'....." This is to
differentiate blues musicians from most other musicians, who sleep past
noon.

2. The nice thing about the blues is that once you've written the
first
line, you're pretty much done with the second line, too.

3. Chevys and Cadillacs are blues cars. Other acceptable blues modes
of
transportation are as follows:
a. Greyhound bus
b. southbound train
c. walkin'

Unacceptable modes of transportation for the blues:
a. any non-U.S. car (Volvo, Fiat, Honda, etc.)
b. touring bike
c. cruise ship
d. motor scooter
e. roller blades

4. Teenagers shouldn't sing the blues until they're old enough to get
the
electric chair if they shoot a man in Memphis.

5. You can have the blues in New York City. St. Louis, Chicago, and
Kansas
City are other good blues towns. You cannot have the blues in Vail, The

Hamptons, or any town whose name ends in "Beach."

6. Shot in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is
the
electric chair. It is not a blues death if you die during liposuction
treatment.

7. You have the right to sing the blues if:
a. you're blind
b. you shot a man in Memphis
c. you can't be satisfied

But not if:
a. you once were blind but now can see
b. you shot an 85 at golf
c. your Dad left you a trust fund

8. Good places for the blues:
a. a highway
b. a jailhouse
c. an empty bed
d. a freight train

9. Bad places for the blues:
a. Yellowstone National Park
b. the country club
c. gallery openings
d. indoor tennis courts

10. If you ask for water and yo' baby give you gasoline, that's the
blues.
Other blues drinks include:
a. wine
b. whiskey
c. muddy water

Blues beverages do not include:
a. any drink with a little umbrella
b. any wine kosher for Passover
c. Yoo Hoo (all flavors)
d. Jello shots

11. Picking a blues name:
a. start with an infirmity (Blind, Li'l, Fat, Lame, Clubfoot)
b. add Willie, Johnny, or Joe
c. pick a U.S. President (Washington, Johnson, Fillmore, Roosevelt,
etc.)
d. Persons with names like Ashley, Brittney, Chad, Kimberly, Cissy,
Brad,
or Skip may not sing the blues, no matter how many men they shoot in
Memphis.

Got the blues...my clarinet's still buzzing!

Audrey

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Unsubscribe from Klarinet, e-mail: klarinet-unsubscribe@-----.org
Subscribe to the Digest: klarinet-digest-subscribe@-----.org
Additional commands: klarinet-help@-----.org
Other problems: klarinet-owner@-----.org