Klarinet Archive - Posting 000032.txt from 2000/04

From: LeliaLoban@-----.com
Subj: [kl] URGENT WARNING
Date: Sun, 2 Apr 2000 08:10:53 -0400

I wrote that reed cane is Donax and the pandas' bamboo is Polygonam.
Jennifer H. Jones wrote,
>Actually, Donax is the specific epithet; The species would be Arundo donax.
>Same for Polygonam, except I don't know its genus. ;-) It's a common
>mistake. My father, who has his Ph.D. in Palaeobotany, has corrected me
>several times on this too.

I'm making my stupid pet human type this. I'm not surprised that a college
freshman knows more about botany than Lelia does. Lelia should shut up and
do something useful, such as brush my beautiful coat. I am shedding my
winter wardrobe and putting on an elegantly slinky, lightweight summer fur.
The least she could do is assist me.

But more to the point, it seems the reed cane closely resembles what the
Pandas eat. Apparently Pandas eat this stuff as food [shudder!], not as a
purgative. It's therefore no coincidence that the poor creatures fail to
thrive and reproduce. It's horrible enough to have to listen to this
squealing vegetable, but imagine wobbling around with a whole stomach full of
it! No wonder Pandas don't take much interest in sex. It would be lovely if
they learned to eat reed cane, of course -- eat it to extinction -- and then
they could go back to bamboo. But the proper way to use bamboo or reed cane
is the way I use crabgrass. Somebody should teach the Pandas to vomit up the
roughage (perhaps members of this list would donate clarinet cases as
receptacles) to clean and condition their tummies for something more
palatable, something that would put a bit more excitement in their lives.
The Pandas should learn to hunt tourists.

Shadow Cat

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