Klarinet Archive - Posting 000733.txt from 2000/03

From: "Benjamin Maas" <benmaas@-----.com>
Subj: RE: [kl] Fwd: Musical Definitions
Date: Fri, 24 Mar 2000 02:32:57 -0500

Much of this is actually from a book called "A Musician's Dictionary" by
David W. Barber. The book is a hoot. There are great illustrations by Dave
Donald. It is a must in any musicians library. Barber also wrote a book
called "Bach, Beethoven, and the Boys: Music History as it ought to be
taught"

Just thought I'd give some credit where it is due.

--Ben

Benjamin Maas
Freelance Clarinetist and Recording Engineer
Los Angeles, CA
benmaas@-----.com
http://www.fifthcircle.com

> >Applause : Noise made by the audience (often at the wrong time) ,to
> >express a desire to end the performance and go home.
> >
> >Audience : Audiences can be divided into two categories; those who,
> >sleep with their mouths open, and those who sleep with their mouths
> >closed.
> >
> >Consonants : A subject of manic obsession among choirmasters. It is said
> >that, by their use, one word may be distinguished from another.
> >
> >French horn : It is actually German, and is not to be confused with the
> >English horn, which is French.
> >
> >Messiah : An oratorio by Handel, attempted every Christmas by some choir
> >that thinks it is good enough, with instrumentalists who need the money.
> >The musical equivalent of death and taxes.
> >
> >Music stand : An intricate device for propping up music, except at
> >crucial
> >times, such as during performances.
> >
> >Musicians : Individuals bent upon producing sound or noise by scraping,
> >hitting, beating, or blowing into an object made of wood, brass,
> >or,catgut. Most musicians can count to at least four, and some to five.
> >Not to be confused with singers.
> >
> >Musicians' union : A powerful branch of the Mafia that controls the
> >exorbitant amounts of money paid to musicians, and also the number
> >of coffee breaks permitted per hour.
> >
> >Oboe : An ill wood wind that nobody blows good.
> >
> >Orchestra : The result of musicians having discovered that there is
> >safety in
> >numbers.
> >
> >Prima Donna : Derived from an Italian phrase that may be roughly
> >translated as pain in the neck" (though some have a lower opinion).
> >
> >Prodigies : Those who would be well advised to die young, before it
> >becomes apparent that they aren't going to get any better.
> >
> >Rest : A short period of silence in a musical piece, useful for turning
> >pages,
> >breathing, coughing, and so forth.
> >
> >Runs : Prevalent among singers of Baroque music, especially that of Bach
> >and Handel. Can often be remedied by proper diet.
> >
> >Sharp : A nattily attired colleague.
> >
> >Snob, musical : One who pretends to know more about music than we pretend
> >to.
> >
> >Strings : A family of instruments that includes the violin, viola, cello.
> >double bass, and yo-yo.
> >
> >Tonic : A medicinal libation usefully consumed before (and after) a
> >performance.
>

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