Klarinet Archive - Posting 000607.txt from 2000/03

From: Bilwright@-----.net (William Wright)
Subj: Re: [kl] Commercial use
Date: Fri, 17 Mar 2000 17:31:26 -0500

=A0=A0=A0=A0=A0<><><> I've got a beautiful F# Denner-system knotty-pine
clarinet listed in the Sneezy klassifieds"

<><> @-----. Depending on which knot you
remove, you can play it like a Boehm or Albert also, right? =A0 Which
ligature do you recommend for it?

<> Actually when the toneholes are formed by random knots falling
out, it plays with a scale exactly like that of authentic Scots
bagpipes no matter what
fingerings you use.
Ligature? A few turns of baling wire of course - for a rich
chocolatey tone.
Sometimes I use barbed wire if I want it to sound more like a Snickers
bar.

I've just located an interesting accessory for the Denner F#. I've
purchased the patent rights for it and I'll be advertising it here on
Klarinet soon. The patent cost me a pretty penny, but I'll make it up
on the sales volume that only the Internet can offer.
The original inventor disassembled a bagpipe and connected the bag
to the Denner F#. This offers several advantages, the most important
being that you don't need to learn breath support. You just squeeze the
bag a little harder.
This morning I finished the engineering for an air compressor to
keep the bag inflated. You probably know already that air compressors
leak a bit oil vapor into the air. Instead of filtering this oil out, I
allow the airflow to oil the clarinet automatically. No need for oil
swabs !! This is especially useful with pine wood instruments, which
tend to crack more easily than those ugly black ones.
By purest accident, I discovered another advantage of this
delightful setup. How often has your practice session been interrupted
by the telephone, which is especially aggravating if the caller turns
out to be a telemarketer and you were just reaching the climactic notes
of Weber's Concertino for Clarinet and Orchestra in Eb Major? With my
new accessory, you'll be able to continue playing while you tell the
telemarketer exactly where he or she should get off.

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