Klarinet Archive - Posting 001054.txt from 1999/12
From: "Gene Nibbelin" <gnibbelin@-----.com>
Subj: RE: [kl] Alternative Use For A Clarinet
Date: Thu, 30 Dec 1999 16:35:32 -0500
Michael in Australia -
It's a good thing that you are not in the U.S. The Environmental Protection
Agency would probably have had you arrested, confiscated your clarinets and
all other musical instruments that you owned, convicted you of harassing
wildlife, fined you $10,000, sentenced you to 5 years in prison and 10 years
probation, during which time you would have been prohibited from playing any
musical instrument. And you would have been subject to class action
lawsuits from 15 or 20 environmental groups.----------------Just
kidding,----------------I hope.
Gene Nibbelin
-----Original Message-----
From: redcedar [mailto:redcedar@-----.au]
Subject: [kl] Alternative Use For A Clarinet
Since moving into my present house some 6 years ago, which borders a
national park on the north eastern fringe of Sydney, I've often encountered
the wild-life, but none so frequently as the local possum population.
Various small groups of them take up residence in the upper-level roof-space
of the house for various periods, and occasionally move on of their own
accord. Sometimes they become troublesome, and I've had to arrange for a
specialist to trap them and move them back into the park. But in time they
return, or else they spread the word on the possum real-estate internet
about the soft-touch human living nearby, and another lot moves in.
The current group of possums have been in residence since early Spring,
probably nesting and raising their young, and now that they are grown, all
are out and about, doing what possoms do. They are often seen shinning up
and down nearby trees, and haven't been a problem as the ceiling insulation
dampens the worst of their excesses. Until now, that is. I took some
exception, a few nights ago when just before dawn, after returning from
their nightly foraging, they held a premature New Year's party in the roof,
frolicking about above my bedroom. They did the same thing the next night
as well, and I decided to act. As most people are comatose in Australia at
this time of the year, I was unable to get professional help, so decided to
tackle it myself during daylight hours. I figured I was going to have
trouble when I got into the roof-space, and realised that with
air-conditioning ducting snaking through the higher spaces, I would be
prevented from getting close enough to the animals, and moving fast enough
to nab them. And I was unable see where they were anyway.
I decided to try a bit of their own sleep deprivation tricks on them. I got
an old metal pot, and thumped it vigorously with a wooden ladle, but
probably did more damage to my ear drums than theirs, for there wasn't any
movement. I repeated this process over the next couple hours in the hope
that I would ultimately cause them some anxiety. No apparent result.
Then it was timidly suggested to me that, as our cat usually evacuated the
room when I picked up the clarinet to practise, perhaps I could do a number
on the possums. I felt faintly ridiculous, but positioned myself mid-roof
and let go with an ungodly racket of squeaks and squeals that would horrify
any self-respecting clarinet teacher. I couldn't see what happened, but I
was reliably informed by others outside the house, that within a short space
of time, three furry bodies emerged from under the roof-tiles, and leapt
into an overhanging tree to make good their escape across the road and into
the bush. They haven't been back. Yet.
Lateral thinking is not my best thing, but I thought you might be interested
in this alternative use for a clarinet. Then perhaps Messrs Buffet &
Crampon might also appreciate knowing the versatility of their instrument
and the marketing potential for this "weapon". I know there are a couple of
neighbours round here who would like to engage my services in the near-term.
Michael
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