Klarinet Archive - Posting 000000.txt from 1999/11

From: Dan Sutherland <dsuther@-----.ca>
Subj: Re: [kl] should the embouchure move?
Date: Sun, 31 Oct 1999 21:47:06 -0500

I am forcing my pathetic human slave to type this.

That idiot has laid out 3 litter boxes that are scrupulously serviced
daily. Does he not realize 4 litter boxes are required. One for every 4
years of life. I shall continue to train him by using random choices for
spreading my unique scent. He will continue to consider me somewhat
inconsiderate and paranoid. He also in his dim way will continue to treat
me with respect and affection. After all, even when he brought his 3rd
mini version of himself into my realm, and I gave him my best "You've had
your fun, now take it back" look, and he failed to respond, and I stayed
and charaded as a play thing for his annoying offspring, even he knew my
destiny was to even the balance.

At 19:43 31/10/99 EST, you wrote:
>
>I'm making my stupid pet human type this.
>
>Dan Sutherland wrote,
>>blah, blah etc.
>
>Yes, the humans seem to expell quite a lot of gas, much of it as hot air.
>
>>Imagine Shadowcat on a treadmill. First measure her running cadence
[number
>of steps/time] when doused with an arc of tepid water then record her
cadence
>when blasted by the same volume of water delivered through a high pressure
>spray nozzle. Which is faster? >
That is the most absurd analogy ever. He can't even spell "Shadow Cat".
Mind you, I have experienced some high pressure water and am carrying some
air gun pellets in my backside. Treadmill?
>
>Fortunately for you, it's Samhain, the feline New Year's (Hallowe'en to you
>desk apes), a fine night to be feline, and we're in a mellow enough mood to
>treat that suggestion as a joke.
>
Can a human spell
>B-U-Z-Z-S-A-W?
My human can't spell anything. Well maybe "beer" or "sports on TV".

Wha, What's going on?,
Oh yeah, the cat took over my brain again.
Here is a story.

About 5 years ago I commissioned Roger Deegan, an Edmonton residing
composer, to write a work for narrator clarinet and bassoon. He initially
had trouble choosing a story. I had lobbied for a Native or Eskimo legend
text. None that I presented to him caught his imagination.
Then about this time of year he called to say he had completed a work
titled "The King of The Cats". At that time I was replacing the clutch in
my Taurus MT5. It was well past midnight when Roger arrived with the
manuscript. He first checked to see if the car I was lying under for the
previous 2 days was properly supported. We then went inside where he
played the composition on the piano simultaneously narrating the text.
Fosdick commanded the top of the piano, a spot he almost never inhabits,
and payed rapt attention.
The story goes something like this.
An old couple and their cat are sitting at home. The cat is black with a
white patch on his chest [like Fosdick]. The couple discuss the death of a
neighborhood cat named Tom. Their cat on hearing the news speaks out loud
"What? Old Tom dead"? "That means I am King of the Cats". Whereupon he
exits up the chimney and is never seen again.

It is a terrific piece with a nicely challenging clarinet part, and
perfect for Halloween. I believe it is available through the Canadian
Music Centre [though I have not checked]. I know Roger just completed a
computer print of the score.

>[Fearless] Fosdick....Always in concert dress, wrote,
>> Ok, I've let him go on long enough. I, unlike Shadowcat, appreciate the
>squeak tube's sound. The more I hear it, the more I know there will be
food,
>happiness and less pulling out of my carefully procured matted fur. I know
my
>slave does not dislike cats. I am 16 years old and urinate wherever I
wish.
>Hey, I've earned that privelidge.>
>
>Hi, (Fearless) Fosdick. I am ten years old and could do anything I liked
>around here, too, but what I like is a clean litter box, clean, clean,
clean,
>perfectly clean, and I would swell up and DIE before I would do my business
>anywhere else! I suppose if my human earned some cat food with her horrible
>screech sticks, I would suffer the noise more graciously, but I'm pretty
sure
>there would be MORE cat food and LESS slacking off around here and I would
>get my breakfast, dinner and late supper SOONER, HINT-HINT, if she would
sell
>the wretched things or at least waste less of her time on them. You must
>look handsome in concert dress, especially on Samhain. I chose the
>exra-short plush because I wouldn't want clumsy humans pulling at mats with
>those creepy long fingers. Don't those naked fingers look weird to you?
>Have a grand Samhain!
>
>Shadow Cat

Why, Thank You. [I've regained control]. Meet you in [human] hell tonight.

Fosdick
>
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