Klarinet Archive - Posting 000581.txt from 1999/08

From: LeliaLoban@-----.com
Subj: [kl] Y2K Gambit (was: [kl] Post retirement Sale)
Date: Fri, 20 Aug 1999 17:28:19 -0400

Tski1128@-----.com wrote,
<< Hi there, I've once again decided that the desk is getting cluttered with
to many mouthpieces and barrels. So I'm going to list them and see if anyone
wants any of these things. >>

Walter Grabner wrote,
>Wow, Tom. I thought my desk was bad. My problem is that once I get an item
(mouthpiece, barrel, ligature) I never want to let go of it!>

>My wife comes up occasionally, looks around, and just shakes her head in
wonder. As I gaze around the room, I see six clarinets, three saxes, three
flutes, more mouthpieces than I can count, reeds, reed tools, mouthpiece
tools, tapes, CD's, microphones.....Not to mention all the computer crud!>

Yes, my husband gets that same look, on the rare occasions when he ventures
uneasily into my attic office. He generally looks around silently, sighs
deeply, then trudges back down the stairs without remembering what he came
up here for. He doesn't actually say too much about the wind instrument
population explosion (although sometimes he says, "Have you seen Uncle Fester
today? Has he finished moving in all his stuff?"), because if he did, he
might alert my attention to the similar uncontrolled breeding of
violin-related impedimenta, and that might even re-open a previous, civilized
but frank discussion of who takes up more bookshelf space.

But the other day he did come up with a stealthy, new, oblique approach, in
the middle of a somewhat related discussion about the Y2K stockpile. This
isn't really much of a hoard (nothing like Dilbert's mom's house) and he
doesn't seriously object to it, since I made sure he noticed when I took
advantage of half-price sales to squirrel away food he particularly likes,
instead of running the risk that if I waited to plan until we heard a major
"Oops!" from the government about Y2K readiness at the last minute, I might
have to run out and buy food he hates from price-gougers charging double.
(Besides, the excuse, I mean the *necessity*, of a Y2K stash gave him the
perfect excuse, I mean *reason*, to run out and buy one of those hand-cranked
radios that run without batteries -- really neat gadgets! -- along with
plenty of . . . batteries. The radio doesn't need the batteries, but many of
his other toys do. He loves buying batteries. I think it's a guy thing.)
So he's not complaining about the Y2K hoard. Yet.

But anyway, he mentioned, just in passing, probably coincidentally, that I
would have more space for the Y2K stash if I moved some clarinets and saxes.
Out. Permanently. For a profit. Soon, because even though the whole idea
of TEOCAWKI (I picture this as a lumbering, science fictional monster,
advancing inexorably . . . STOMP. STOMP. STOMP. STOMP.) is probably
ridiculous, and even though TEOCAWKI probably won't come on New Year's, and
even if he does, he'll probably only stay a few days and eat a VCR or two . .
. still, you never know. Maybe if the Millennium Bug eats all the banks,
nobody will have any more money to buy clarinets and saxes, and I'll be stuck
with them forever, and besides, acoustic wind instruments are Y2K compliant,
so probably people will want lots of them now. You know, durable goods, for
investments, instead of those dangerous stocks and bonds that TEOCAWKI
monsters like to eat. Besides, when the power goes off and the TV and the
computer don't work any more, people will all want to practice those
clarinets instead! So clarinets ought to be really in demand right now!

Yes, indeed, he's quite right. I certainly see his point! I now perceive
that the clarinets, saxes, recorders, etc. are not mere clutter after all.
No, they're a vital part of MY emergency preparedness, MY Millennium stash,
MY hedge against the TEOCAWKI monster. So I certainly wouldn't be foolish
enough to deplete any of that important stockpile now, of all times!

He sighs. He says, "If you do find Uncle Fester up here, tell him I said
hello." He trudges down the stairs. Nice try, Kevin.

Lelia
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dilbert: "But why did you buy that case of hair conditioner?"
Dilbert's Mom: "I had a coupon."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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