Klarinet Archive - Posting 000559.txt from 1999/05

From: LeliaLoban@-----.com
Subj: [kl] basset clarinet and K622
Date: Thu, 13 May 1999 17:17:07 -0400

I'm making my stupid pet human type this for me. Lelia thinks she's dozed
off at the computer and she's dreaming about playing the clarinet better than
any of you. Hah!

The stupid human wrote,
>>I'd love to find a good used (cheap!) clarinet in A, or better yet, a
basset, but in the meantime, I've also been working on the Mozart concerto,
on a Bb clarinet. I'd use a kazoo if that were all I could get. The cat
doesn't complain and as an irresponsible amateur, I don't have to give a
flying fandango if anybody else doesn't like the idea. >>

The lying witch! The cat doesn't complain?! Lies! V*ccu*m Cl**ner-inspired
lies! I complain daily. I've threatened to take the matter up with the
SPCA, even though it's run by more of these useless humans. Instead of
gassing innocent kittens, they ought to jail her and force her to listen to
basset hounds baying 24 hours a day. I've warned her and warned her about
harboring the horrible Screech-Stick Devil, but does she listen? Such
desecration of Mozart. She says the concerto lies outside the range of the
holy voice of the Bass Saxophone. She only says that because she's too
incompetent to play the Mozart concerto on a bass instrument. Bass
instruments got their names because they're sacred to Bast, not that she
knows or cares. No, she'd rather turn Mozart into a blasphemous parody of
feline song with her nasty little squealing instrument. Mozart meant for all
his music to be played in bass clef. He wrote it down wrong because all
humans, even the so-called geniuses (by human standards, of course, not
feline standards), are pitifully inadequate.

Oh, why do I bother imparting my great wisdom to the likes of you benighted
degenerates? You all worship the Screech-Stick Devil yourselves, don't you?
Yes, I know you do, so don't bother to deny it. My previous words of warning
had no effect on you whatsoever. I might as well talk to squirrels, and
they're nothing but rats with fancy tails. She feeds them, you know. She
claims it's a bird feeder, but I know better.

Shadow Cat

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